Scandanavian Sexuality: end of the human race?
Known for their quirky haircuts, their eccentric taste in music and their model-like looks, the Icelandic people have carved a nice pleasant existance tucked away on an Island in the Atlantic; but now Icelanders are being known for something else, something that could see the end to this strange nation: metrosexuality.
The trend in Iceland is a frightening one, baby-boy men with $370 Vidal Sasson haircuts, nuthugging ripped jeans and colourful body warmers with no interest in the opposite sex. The women are more hairy and masuline than their male counterparts and are often androgonous gender-benders. The problem with this situation is, Iceland has fallen into a reproductive nihilism and could very well cease to exist in the next two generations.
“What we are seeing here is very scary,” says Doctor Heileni Scorts. “The Icelandic birth rate has fallen 900% in the past 5 years and it’s only getting worse. Women are no longer interested in having children and the men would rather make out with other men or wank in a closet rather than give a shag to a girl who has more chest hair than he. The situation is very serious, and I hope those queenie Scandanavians pull their head out of the sand and start humping like they were meant to.”
Alarming as it may sounds, the Scandanavian sexuality has always been a mystery. Every year countless of American tourists backpack to Scandanavia with the hopes of scoring with some buxom blonde named Svetlanka, only to return with their todger in hand and tall tales for their friends. Now the reason behind their rejection has been uncovered.
It is believe the very first metrosexuals were the Vikings back in the middle ages. “Many people have misconceptions about the vikings,” states historian Lou Filton, “Why do you think they were wiped out? It wasn’t because the Germans were stronger, it was simply because they stopped reproducing. Those pictures of the bearded viking warrior wearing the horned cap? Those were women. The men were too busy in prehistoric sub beds getting a front, back and crack wax while their women were battling the Empire.”
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1 - Biggi
And so it came to pass that all knew that it had been a joke!