The ongoing argument is always in this society what do we do with our old people, or more respectfully, the elderly. If you ask me, I think we should build shrines to them the way they do in some countries, and when they pass on to some other life, or blackness or whatever it is we pass on to, that we keep an altar in our living room and get down on our knees and thank god for their existence and all that they did for us, for without them, we first, wouldn't be here, and second, likely wouldn't have many of the lovely things we have if we ever inherited even a dime from them, but mostly, we wouldn't have a sense of family or rootedness, and while I know that my own family is as dysfunctional or more or less than the next person's, I also know that I would not be who I am without them, both good and bad.
For me, life was complicated from the first, as I was born to two very young people who were still children themselves. The situation as it was, it was no surprise that I would eventually find that I would be raised in large part by my grandparents, who, after the shakedown between my biological parents took place, as much as I may have and do love them (or the one of them that I really know anyway), my grandparents became my parents. When Denny, my grandfather died, I lost a father. A real father. Not a step-father or a grandfather or like a father but a real, actual father. This is how it felt to me. He did all the things a father does, and more. He taught me to be the best person I can be. He wrote poetry with me as we lay in bed on Sunday mornings and watched the pigeons on the line and I sat on the covers while he made up limericks about the woman across the street and got the occasional smack from my grandmother, god bless her, and these were as I knew it my parents.
I knew I had a real mother, of course, but since my mother was so very young, and to me, so very glamorous as well, all decked out in her Mods and flying around with this or that boyfriend on his Vespa sidecar or in the passenger seat of an MG and getting her hair cut and dyed intro a lavender colored bobbed haircut by none other than Vidal Sassoon himself. My mum was more like a cool, older sister or an aunt or even a friend. My grandparents, only in their early forties, were the true grownups, and so they raised us all; my mother, her siblings, and me. And off and on, various family members took to their little house in Tottenham in Northeast London as a refuge, but for me, it was always home. I was the guest of honor. The one who got to stay there all the time. The one who got to stay after the Sunday roast had been eaten and everyone else had to slog off home. Even as a kid, I knew I had the ha-ha on the grown ups. I was a brat; I felt special. Lucky. Blessed. And little has changed from those early days for me. The blessing is still there, but the people have changed to be sure.
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Article comments
1 - Eric Olsen
Very perplexing isssues handled with grace and depth: I'd say your grandmother needs some looking after and if she won't accept it, someone (you) have to sit her down and give her the hard facts
Thanks Sadi!
2 - sadi
hey Eric....
thx., and yes, you are right. she needs to be sat down and spoken to, and when it comes Christmas or perhaps before -- . Certainly, i will do whatever it is in my power to get rid of anyone who is freeloading or wishing anyone in my family any ill. blood is thick... amen.
bisous
sade
3 - Eric Olsen
Also, only truly fine writers can turn personal history into something so absorbing and universal - you rule
4 - Lono
This is tough stuff, guys. I worked in fraud investigations for a major cell phone carrier for the last year and I saw this stuff constantly. It is tough to see, and pretty frequent too.
The problem is (if I may speak generically from my experience) is that older folks are too trusting. Also, seniors may not even know what 'credit' is. I would tell these people that their credit has been compromised and someone has racked up thousands of dollars of debt in their name. Their response, sadly, and almost every time was 'no, I have my credit cards right here'.
The problem is that their simply aren't enough laws against this stuff. For example, Colorado (where I live) is the only state in the union that doesn't have identity theft as a crime. Our legislature just doesn't feel it is a priority.
Be strong, Sadi, and know that their are protections in place for these types of actions and victims. Contact me directly (through my blog) and I will be happy to give you very specific details on how you can protect your grandmothers information, money, and credit. The steps are time consuming, but free.
In fact, I am doing a presentation at work next week on ID Theft. If you are interested, I'll send you the Power Point.
5 - Lono
my apologies, the last post was linked to my music site... which doesn't have contact info for me. This is the correct way to reach me - www.iamcorrect.blogspot.com
6 - Eric Olsen
thanks Lono, sounds like very important and interesting information
7 - sadi
lono, this is a wealth of information that you're offering and i've emailed you and would gladly take it; i'm very, very grateful, any information that can help would be great and i'm really looking forward to seeing it. it would be reassuring to know more practical ways in which i can help my grandmother, and what you said about "but my credit cards are right here." sounds, sadly, a lot like something she would say... i hate to say these things and feel like a traitor, but at the end of the day, it is her best interest i am looking out for, so i'm hoping that she'll see that.
thx. for all of your help, and take good care. look forward to hearing from you...
cheers,
sadi
8 - Taloran
Very moving, thank you Sadi.
9 - sadi
thanks, Taloran and all who read and everyone who commented. this is an ongoing nightmare in my family and my even be hitting the road as soon as tomorow to head to Florida to sort this mess out. I'll be wearing my ass-kicking boots if i do head down tomorrow, and certainly when i head down at Christmas, but really, how sad that there are people in the world like this and that they ruin things like family, like holidays, like kin and kindred and turn them into something we need to be wary of. it's so sad to me. sad and angering. they will be dealt with, and after that, the law can deal with them. this is fraud of the first order, and that i believe, to this extent is a felony and i highly doubt my family is their first 'victim' so to speak. likely, they have been pulling this scam on older people ofr years and it hasn't caught up with them.
yeah, welcome to my world.
as someone very wise once said, "Say hello to my lil friend..."
cheers,
sadi