Before I tell you the name of the program, I want to first tell you something important about my ex-husband and myself. We are both diehard atheists. We have no spiritual background and have no need for it. We bow only to the laws of physics.
The program we attended is a product of the Catholic Church. It began in the province of Quebec, Canada in 1977 in the French language. It was later adapted to English and then spread through the United States. There are about 230 individual program communities throughout 26 countries, with about 150 locations in America.
To say we two atheists were dubious about attending what we knew had a religious agenda is another understatement. My ex-husband, however, had heard about it from co-workers who said the religious part of it was not relevant unless you wanted it to be. Again, I attended for the time away from work and kids. I didn’t care if they preached. I could ignore it while I ate food I didn’t have to cook or clean up after.
My ex-husband’s friends were right: the religious aspect of the weekend was minimal, and only relevant if you wanted it to be. We did not feel put out, excluded, or lectured to in any way. Those couples who were religious said they felt empowered by the religious references. In this, the program is win-win regardless of your beliefs. The religious references were not gratuitous, and they were relevant to the subject of marriage and healing pain born of love gone awry. In this, the references were generic; they could’ve come from fables or mythology, and still — as presented and in context – they were useful to us, even though they did not stem from our particular beliefs (in our case, physics and general science).
I don’t know what the future holds for us. All I know is that, for now, there is an us. That’s more than I could’ve hoped for; and how it feels now is more than I ever dreamed of, even as a young bride. We now have a marriage of sorts, even though we’re not married and are in fact divorced. Frankly, I feel uncomfortable referring to him as my ex-husband. We’re friends — and inconceivably — sexy, vibrant, close friends. Now, though — and he said it best — our marriage then was on paper and so is the divorce. What we have between us now is real. If we do put it to paper, it won’t be for the legality of it; it will be for the celebration of it. Again, I don’t know where we’re going from here, but I do know it’s an honest road paved with hope, love, and encouragement.
Article comments
1 - Teri Centner
Wow.
2 - skeptic
(*Olencia is not her real name. It has been changed to protect her privacy and the privacy of the PR man who invented her.)
3 - Diana Hartman
wow, "skeptic"...try "cynic" instead...you may find it fits a little less tightly around the sore spots...
4 - Marlon
Nothing anyone posts after this should or could change what has happened for this couple.
Here's wishing them
Much love
and
Many happy years
5 - Larry
This program is wonderful! During my first marriage, there was turmoil generated by me having an affair. Although we finally reconciled to stay together and rebuild the marriage, it was a tough road over 2 years. Sadly, my wife passed away a short time after our decision to recommit to the marriage and each other. I wish we had known about Retrouvaille, because I know it would have saved us much anguish and time.
When I remarried, my new wife came without kids and I had 3 girls. After about 2 years together, the turmoil caused by my kids and their inability to make peace with their mother's death and my remarriage had us thinking we had made a mistake despite the numerous signs that we were meant to be together. We heard about Retrouvaille and decided to give it a try. It saved our marriage!
Now, 8 years later, the kids are on their own and new turmoils have invaded our marriage. We decided that we needed a refresher and signed up to attend Retrouvaille again. We are now in the follow up sessions, and have found that our skills from our first Retrouvaille were not dead, just dormant. We are now on the road to recovery again, and this time we have decided that if it worked so well for us, why not get involved and bring it to our area where it currently does not exist. We are working with the Retrouvaille folks, our pastor, deacon, and others in the Parish to make Retrouvaille happen here. (Just before leaving for our latest Retrouvaille weekend, We were at the Parish office speaking with the pastoral assistant who handles Engaged Encounter (and also speaks with couples in trouble), that she had 5 couples she could send along with us! This cemented the idea of bringing this wonderful program here in our hearts and minds so we could share the helping hand that Retrouvaille with our friends and neighbors.
6 - victor
thanks for the post it is very nice read this because we are going this weekend to this progam (october 24 2008)I was very confident before but now I have no words to explain how my felings are after read your story it just give me the energy and hope that I am looking for ,since your case is similar to my from the point of view that my wife is also the one who does not feel love for me and again after this I have no excuse to stop fighting for my marriage even if she does not feel it
Thank you very much
7 - jjc
What a great story! I've heard the Retroveille is good but did think it could help us. Maybe it can. I know my wife wants to go so the next time it is in the area, it will be time to go.
8 - aa
After over a year of extreme marital stress, due in large part to my husband's mid-life crises, I have finally resigned myself to the idea that divorce may be my only respite. This is incredible to me, as we have been married for more than 20 years and I could be considered very Catholic. However, we did sign up for Retrouvaille before I lost hope. Reading this I am afraid to believe it will save our marriage, but I do hope if will lead to forgiveness. Thanks for this interesting story.