The thing about the retreat I liked most was that, even though there were 60 other people there — and the presenters — it felt like it was just me, and then it felt like it was just us. The rule about no socializing was crucial, and now I see why they do it that way. I definitely noticed changes in the people around us – even though we only talked with other couples at mealtimes. I say “changes” even though I just emphasized that isn’t what took place. I mean I saw changes in other people’s expressions. With each mealtime I saw less frowning and fewer wrinkled up eyes. By dinner Saturday I started to see smiles, heard laughing, and could see couples talking who just the night before were clearly wanting to be somewhere else.
They didn’t allow us to have separate rooms, although there were two beds in each room. The bizarre thing was that by the end of the weekend, I didn’t want separate beds, much less separate rooms. Other couples — who had arrived separately and who were clearly antagonistic toward each other — left the retreat holding hands.
It was the most bizarre transformation I’d ever seen, and here’s the kicker: the presenters were not mental health professionals. They were all couples who had themselves gone through the retreat and follow-up sessions about two years ago. We heard from one couple who, I swear to God, had had a worse marriage than ours. As they spoke I thought, “There is no way they’re together or that they were able to resolve, much less move on from those kinds of problems.” Then they talked about how they did it. To say it was inspirational is an understatement.
In this day and age, the word “inspiration” has a short-lived feel to it. In this, their story was not inspirational, and was instead very grounded, very solid. One could almost glean from them their strength to use as one’s own. I felt more than inspired; I felt stabilized and centered for the first time in many, many years.
The once-troubled presenting couple took us through their process. What they did was doable – even for someone as closed off as my ex-husband, and even for me, someone who thought she knew herself and didn’t need to do anything else.
I did do it, though – and so did he. We came together with what each of us had done and then shared that with each other. Please don’t misunderstand: what we did as individuals was monumentally important. More importantly, however, was that each of us had something to share at all – and then did.
Article comments
1 - Teri Centner
Wow.
2 - skeptic
(*Olencia is not her real name. It has been changed to protect her privacy and the privacy of the PR man who invented her.)
3 - Diana Hartman
wow, "skeptic"...try "cynic" instead...you may find it fits a little less tightly around the sore spots...
4 - Marlon
Nothing anyone posts after this should or could change what has happened for this couple.
Here's wishing them
Much love
and
Many happy years
5 - Larry
This program is wonderful! During my first marriage, there was turmoil generated by me having an affair. Although we finally reconciled to stay together and rebuild the marriage, it was a tough road over 2 years. Sadly, my wife passed away a short time after our decision to recommit to the marriage and each other. I wish we had known about Retrouvaille, because I know it would have saved us much anguish and time.
When I remarried, my new wife came without kids and I had 3 girls. After about 2 years together, the turmoil caused by my kids and their inability to make peace with their mother's death and my remarriage had us thinking we had made a mistake despite the numerous signs that we were meant to be together. We heard about Retrouvaille and decided to give it a try. It saved our marriage!
Now, 8 years later, the kids are on their own and new turmoils have invaded our marriage. We decided that we needed a refresher and signed up to attend Retrouvaille again. We are now in the follow up sessions, and have found that our skills from our first Retrouvaille were not dead, just dormant. We are now on the road to recovery again, and this time we have decided that if it worked so well for us, why not get involved and bring it to our area where it currently does not exist. We are working with the Retrouvaille folks, our pastor, deacon, and others in the Parish to make Retrouvaille happen here. (Just before leaving for our latest Retrouvaille weekend, We were at the Parish office speaking with the pastoral assistant who handles Engaged Encounter (and also speaks with couples in trouble), that she had 5 couples she could send along with us! This cemented the idea of bringing this wonderful program here in our hearts and minds so we could share the helping hand that Retrouvaille with our friends and neighbors.
6 - victor
thanks for the post it is very nice read this because we are going this weekend to this progam (october 24 2008)I was very confident before but now I have no words to explain how my felings are after read your story it just give me the energy and hope that I am looking for ,since your case is similar to my from the point of view that my wife is also the one who does not feel love for me and again after this I have no excuse to stop fighting for my marriage even if she does not feel it
Thank you very much
7 - jjc
What a great story! I've heard the Retroveille is good but did think it could help us. Maybe it can. I know my wife wants to go so the next time it is in the area, it will be time to go.
8 - aa
After over a year of extreme marital stress, due in large part to my husband's mid-life crises, I have finally resigned myself to the idea that divorce may be my only respite. This is incredible to me, as we have been married for more than 20 years and I could be considered very Catholic. However, we did sign up for Retrouvaille before I lost hope. Reading this I am afraid to believe it will save our marriage, but I do hope if will lead to forgiveness. Thanks for this interesting story.