Even though all 60 people were in the presentation room, it was made clear from the get-go that we were there for the person we came with and ourselves. There was to be no socializing between presentations, nor were there going to be exchanges in the group during or after the presentations.
I almost got up and left. No amount of free food and time away from the kids was going to be worth spending the entire weekend with someone I’d just divorced. I stayed only because I don’t drive at night – and it was already 8:00 in the evening at that point.
The retreat presentations started as soon as we were settled in on Friday evening. By the end of Friday night (after two presentations) I started to rethink my reasons for being there; rather I started to rethink my reasons for wanting to leave. I would discover at breakfast the following morning that the other ex-wives felt the same way. There was a strange bit of camaraderie to be had in our “group” decision to stay and see how things went.
By midday Saturday (after several presentations), I felt a compassion for my ex-husband I'd not felt in years. It was an unexpected feeling and most disconcerting. I had no idea what the hell was going on with me, but I had no faith in it. It was surely situational and would go away like any other emotion. At first I didn't share this with him, but by late afternoon it was clear there had been a definite shift in both of us. I felt — dare I say it — close to him. He shared some things he’d felt (who was this man?) and from this I felt comfortable enough to share how I felt (was this me?).
By Saturday evening there was more than a shift. There was a sense between us that we had just leapt a huge gorge – together. By late in the evening Saturday — and I know this is going to sound crazy because of everything we’ve been through and the sexless years and the divorce — I felt attracted to him.
I found myself looking at him longer each time I looked at him. At 10:00 on Saturday night, he winked at me. I know what time it was because I’d just checked the clock and noticed how much later it was than I’d thought. Normally I would be tired by that time of night. I felt strangely energized.
Article comments
1 - Teri Centner
Wow.
2 - skeptic
(*Olencia is not her real name. It has been changed to protect her privacy and the privacy of the PR man who invented her.)
3 - Diana Hartman
wow, "skeptic"...try "cynic" instead...you may find it fits a little less tightly around the sore spots...
4 - Marlon
Nothing anyone posts after this should or could change what has happened for this couple.
Here's wishing them
Much love
and
Many happy years
5 - Larry
This program is wonderful! During my first marriage, there was turmoil generated by me having an affair. Although we finally reconciled to stay together and rebuild the marriage, it was a tough road over 2 years. Sadly, my wife passed away a short time after our decision to recommit to the marriage and each other. I wish we had known about Retrouvaille, because I know it would have saved us much anguish and time.
When I remarried, my new wife came without kids and I had 3 girls. After about 2 years together, the turmoil caused by my kids and their inability to make peace with their mother's death and my remarriage had us thinking we had made a mistake despite the numerous signs that we were meant to be together. We heard about Retrouvaille and decided to give it a try. It saved our marriage!
Now, 8 years later, the kids are on their own and new turmoils have invaded our marriage. We decided that we needed a refresher and signed up to attend Retrouvaille again. We are now in the follow up sessions, and have found that our skills from our first Retrouvaille were not dead, just dormant. We are now on the road to recovery again, and this time we have decided that if it worked so well for us, why not get involved and bring it to our area where it currently does not exist. We are working with the Retrouvaille folks, our pastor, deacon, and others in the Parish to make Retrouvaille happen here. (Just before leaving for our latest Retrouvaille weekend, We were at the Parish office speaking with the pastoral assistant who handles Engaged Encounter (and also speaks with couples in trouble), that she had 5 couples she could send along with us! This cemented the idea of bringing this wonderful program here in our hearts and minds so we could share the helping hand that Retrouvaille with our friends and neighbors.
6 - victor
thanks for the post it is very nice read this because we are going this weekend to this progam (october 24 2008)I was very confident before but now I have no words to explain how my felings are after read your story it just give me the energy and hope that I am looking for ,since your case is similar to my from the point of view that my wife is also the one who does not feel love for me and again after this I have no excuse to stop fighting for my marriage even if she does not feel it
Thank you very much
7 - jjc
What a great story! I've heard the Retroveille is good but did think it could help us. Maybe it can. I know my wife wants to go so the next time it is in the area, it will be time to go.
8 - aa
After over a year of extreme marital stress, due in large part to my husband's mid-life crises, I have finally resigned myself to the idea that divorce may be my only respite. This is incredible to me, as we have been married for more than 20 years and I could be considered very Catholic. However, we did sign up for Retrouvaille before I lost hope. Reading this I am afraid to believe it will save our marriage, but I do hope if will lead to forgiveness. Thanks for this interesting story.