There are two languages spoken at work. On the one hand, you have the language that you hear. On the other, you have what you really think. So how do you translate between the two?
Here are ten "work phrases" I use at the office, and what I'm actually thinking when I say them.
- What you hear: I understand your point, but I think (x) is a better way to go.
What I'm thinking: What the hell are you talking about? Do we work on the same project? Yeah, I guess we could go your way, but then I might as well start working on a way to fix it now.
- What you hear: Sure, we can push the deadline up.
What I'm thinking: You heartless bastard. If I had known I was dealing with Satan, I would have brought my crucifix.
- What you hear: Yeah, I can analyze that for you and get you the results before the end of the day.
What I'm thinking: I was thinking about skipping lunch anyways, so this just seals the deal. I'm going to go to the bathroom right now, because I won't be leaving my desk until sundown.
- What you hear: 5:00 is no problem, we can meet then.
What I'm thinking: No, it's OK, I had my jacket on because it's cold in here. You know what, I think I'll just sleep here since it'll take me about six hours to get home with the traffic I'm going to hit now. Oh, by the way, I just died a little bit inside.
- What you hear: No problem (name), I can help you out with that.
What I'm thinking: This is great. I was just sitting here playing that Indian knife game, but helping you is slightly more fun. Even better, maybe we can hang out later and I can drink the pain away.
Article comments
1 - Baronius
Heh. Sometimes, "I'm not sure we're going to make our deadline" really means "Deadline, huh? That sounds important. I guess I should close Blogcritics and open my email."
2 - Kevin Augustine
Lol yeah. Or even: "COB? Sure....just as soon as I'm done taking this online IQ test....and right after I check my gmail...."