At the time of the accident the craft only carried Eric Neslo, his wife Dawn, a crew of 15 (including pilots) and 61 reporters (including myself.)
Meanwhile…
The Rev. Jerry Faldown, leader of the American Majority Movement to Bring Morality to the Internet was playing substitute teacher for a rocketry class in an open field half a mile from his Christian Academy complex. It was later revealed that Faldown wasn’t qualified to teach the class.
From his pulpit at Freedom Baptist Congregation in Lynchburton, Virginia last Sunday, he said he was waiting for a sign from God before he unleashed his “Christian Soldiers,” primed to electronically attack and mass overload any website he deemed not having “a higher moral code.”
In a pre-dusk cloudless sky at around 8PM yesterday, “The Blogcritics” passed low overhead interrupting a pre-launch prayer session. Several of the elementary rocketry class paused to look up at it. Despite protests and numerous warnings, and after sarcastically remarking that he’d laugh his head off if he actually shot the heathen ship down; he fired the rocket. The model missile on the pad was an unusually large one that a student had been modifying and working on for his professor. It was later revealed that it shouldn’t have been fired until it’d been checked out.
With a grin, Faldown pressed the button and it shot upward “Like a bat out of hell” as one chastised student was later quoted as saying.
An amateur photographer grabbed this shot of the rocket just before impact.
None of us on board even felt the impact as it pierced the skin of the forward section of the center hull and passed through and out of the top. Fortunately the ship uses helium in place of explosive hydrogen and instead of exploding, we simply began losing altitude... fast.
I can’t say I was really frightened because, although we were going down quickly, we were seemingly under control. Since we were all ushered to emergency exits and couldn’t see what was happening outside, I can only go by eyewitness descriptions on the ground.
The nose tilted down and the middle section of the ship seemed to sag. Vast amounts of water were dumped in an attempt to lighten the ship, which seemed to only slightly slow its descent. The pilot made a calm and valiant effort, but when he saw where we were headed, he took extraordinary steps to lighten the load further by dropping all four engines just before impact.
Article comments
— go to most recent comments1 - Jet in Columbus
Thanks Mark!
2 - Victor Plenty
To paraphrase Captain Solo, it's too big to be an airship!
3 - Jet in Columbus
Solo or Sulu?
4 - Victor Plenty
Don't make me come over there and confiscate your geek card.
5 - Christopher Rose
Classic!
6 - Jet in Columbus
This is the consequence when no one wanted to suggest what I should blow up next!
7 - gonzo marx
oh....the humanity!
/golfclap
i especially like the photoshop work, fucking priceless
Excelsior?
8 - Jet in Columbus
(whimper) ...forgive me Eric. It's just as well I have my shrink appointment at 1PM today...
9 - Victor Plenty
Speaking of shrinks, Jet, would you be willing to review a book for me? Don't worry, it's not one written by me. I've been meaning to write a review of it for quite awhile now, and just haven't been able to make the time.
10 - Dawn
Yeah, I am all about going down....with the ship!!! Jet, I am starting to worry about you :)
11 - gonzo marx
i....can't....resist....
Dawn sez...
*Yeah, I am all about going down....*
now we all know why the picture of big E is always smiling...
/hides
Excelsior?
12 - Sam
Poorly written unfunny drivel. Expect better of this site.
13 - Christopher Rose
You are aware that Blogcritics tracks unique IP addresses aren't you, "Sam"?
14 - Jet in Columbus
Was I almost taken out by a "sam" missile there Chris?
15 - Jet in Columbus
Victor-Solo the plastic cup???
16 - Jet in Columbus
All right Victor, why didn't someone TELL me I had a geek card?
17 - Jet in Columbus
Victor#9 I honestly would like to help you but with my eyes in the condition they're in, it'd take for ever.
I'm honored you'd ask though...
Jet
18 - Jet in Columbus
Dearest Sam #12, I'm truly sorry, and I'll try to do better next time. Smile for me.... Please?
19 - Jet in Columbus
Christopher Rose, you big lug, you make me blush.
20 - Jet in Columbus
Dawn Olsen, wait till you see what I name the replacement ship!
21 - Andy Marsh
dammit gonzo...I just found this and the first thing that came to mind was...oh the humanity!
22 - Jet in Columbus
Andy I was going to make you the blimp pilot but you were busy in Florida... sorry
23 - Andy Marsh
Sounds like it was a good thing I was outta town!
24 - Jet in Columbus
That's okay Andy, kinda makes you wonder what Mrs. Faldown was doing in the basement doesn't it?
25 - Andy Marsh
You're a funny guy Jet! I actually made that last comment before I realized it wasn't fatal!