"You like me! You really like me!"
Whoops, wrong meeting.
This year, one of Blogcritics esteemed editors [read "unemployed web designer") decided to post a spot highlighting the best of satire from The Onion and a couple of BC contributors.
Shockingly, I was left off the list.
So in order to introduce new visitors to my vast array of funnies, to assist old friends in finding out what I did in 05, and to continue my record of egotistical, self-serving acts in public, here's Shark's BEST SATIRE from 2005.
Which really means it's the best satire on Blogcritics from 05.
Sorry, that's just the honest ta gawd truth. I would apologize for being so blatantly over-the-top with the shameless, self-serving ego bit, but look, asshole, this is what BLOGGING IS ALL ABOUT: standing on a street corner wearing a tin-foil and yelling and slobbering at passersby has been replaced by a fat typist slobbering over a keyboard and a modem.
Anyway, 2005 was the worst year of my relatively long life — and it wasn't such a swell year for America, freedom, foreign policy, and lying Republican demagogues either.
As the new year begins, I make the same resolution I make every year:
NOT TO KILL ANYONE DURING THE NEXT 365 DAYS.
Some might think that's not much of a challenge — but for me, it would be easier to start an all-veg diet, quit smoking, start jogging 10 miles every day, and resolve to attend church every Sunday.
The Good News: It's January 2... and I haven't killed anybody yet.
But the day is young, motherfucker, the day is young.
Iraq's Official ELECTION MEMO to voters Hey, this is great: Vote...(and) or Die!
Article comments
1 - Aaman
Ah,
The list I put up was by no means exhaustive, and the result of some cursory searching by our cryptic search engine, which returns results like a faulty random number generator.
Good links - must check a few out
2 - daddio
Hey, we love you even though you are not acclaimed by your peers. My advise to you for the coming year: News Years Resolution #1 for you should be to watch more prime time TV. Seems crazy doesn't it. No, it works. It's also a good idea to start taking the latest designer drug "Oblivion". Then you too can be happy and Republican. It's Faith-Based! So, it has to be good!
3 - gonzo marx
bah..Shark has no peers!!
and i would hazard a guess that he scoffs at acclaim
i know he pisses on Accords, by all acounts..he just doesn't like japanese cars...
but i digress...
rock on Shark, ya knwo i'll ALWAYS read ya
Excelsior!
4 - Shark
Daddio, Gonzo, thanks! You know I do it all for you!
xoxo
S
5 - Dave Nalle
At least he has no peers in the arena of 'self love'.
Dave
6 - Shark
Nalle, did you ever get Tim Burton's home phone number after your post on the subject?
: )
7 - Shark
Dave, the difference between you and me:
I freely admit I'm an insane, egotistical asshole.
You operate under the delusion that you're some mentally stable genius/philanthropist.
Guess who lives in Reality?
8 - Dave Nalle
You're under the mistaken impression that being a genius/philanthropist and being a dickhead (my preferred term) are incompatible.
As for Tim Burton's home phone number, that wasn't my objective. I just wanted a way to contact someone on his production team, and I eventually got that info through the similar post I made on my company website.
Dave
9 - uao
I think someone forgot to close their HTML...
Your satires are fun stuff, Shark.