Narrator: Even though it is accepted almost as fact that modern day kids are usually more naughty than nice, this year many parents are demanding that Santa Claus explain his methodology in making up his famous Naughty and Nice Lists. (Stars come into view and a blur of red and white swooshes across the screen). Returning to his lair at the North Pole after making his annual Christmas Eve journey, Santa hoped to have a little rest and relaxation, but he got much more than he bargained for from these disgruntled parents and now must prepare for his greatest challenge of all.
(Sleigh descends to North Pole Village and Santa gets out smiling. Fade to black. “Several days later” flashes across the screen. A high-tech computer center becomes visible with four elves wearing headsets, feverishly handling calls and typing on keyboards.)
Elf 1: This is ridiculous, Hermie. I can’t keep up with these calls.
Elf 2: I know, Rolf. All the parents are calling and complaining.
Elf 3: It’s like the world has gone crazy.
Elf 4: They all want to know “why” Santa gave their kids coal.
Elf 2: Or didn’t give a bigger and better gift than he gave.
Elf 1: Their sense of entitlement is amazing this year.
(Mrs. Claus walks into the room wiping her hands on her apron).
Mrs. C: What is this I hear?
Elf 1: Oh, Mrs. Claus, it’s a terrible mess. Parents all over the globe are calling.
Elf 2: They’re angry with Santa for giving their children coal.
Elf 3: Or they’re unhappy with the toys he did give the children.
Mrs. C: How dare they? Santa has done the same thing for the last seven hundred years.
Elf 3: Hey, you’re preaching to the choir, Mrs. C.
Elf 4: Yeah, we know Santa has a system and it’s always worked.
Mrs. C: Well, I don’t know about a system.
Elf 1: You mean he doesn’t have a system?
Mrs. C: I really don’t know how he does it.
Elf 3: Oh, great. Now she doesn’t know anything.
Mrs. C: I…I didn’t say that boys.
Elf 4: Sorry, Mrs. C, but we’re under lots of pressure here.
Mrs. C: Yes, of course you are, boys.
Elf 1: Mrs. C, how does Santa come up with his Naughty and Nice Lists?
Mrs. C: I have never asked him that question.
(The phones start ringing like mad and the elves busy themselves answering more calls. Mrs. C shakes her head and slowly walks out of the room.)