I am one of those privileged people who lives in one of the states hit by the recent winter storm, albeit I am not in an area that received more than a foot or so of snow and ice; but for the purposes of this particular commentary, even a half-inch of ice would do.
There is a definite reason why I do not go out of my house much during this time of year. Some might accuse me of being antisocial, which is definitely not the case. Others might cite my not liking the cold. Although I am the first to admit that I am not a fan of freezing my backside off, this particular aversion to going out has to do with the yearly onset of a condition I call Roadius Jackassitis (R.J.).
There are minor outbreaks of Roadius Jackassitis throughout the year. We’ve all been subjected to one or two people suffering from this condition at various times, but for some reason this particular affliction hits hardest when the roads are less than perfect. It is during the winter months when the snow and ice are most likely to be present when Roadius Jackassitis comes out of its dormant stage, causing seemingly normal people to perform dangerous and frightening maneuvers on the roads.
Often the onset of Roadius Jackassitis is accompanied by the need to get the big ol’ gas-guzzling SUV out of the garage. The purpose for pulling out the big guns, of course, is to ensure that the person suffering from this affliction will be able to get his or her automobile up to their normal driving speeds. Normal driving speed is a relative issue directly related to how late they are running on any given day; if normal speed for the R.J. sufferer happens to be 10 to 20 miles above the speed limit, than that is the goal of pulling out the SUV.