Satire: Last Night With George Clooney

Last night George and I, as we do every year around this time, hung out. We went to a number of places, hung out with friends (mostly his) and managed to duck the paparazzi most the time.

They were laying in wait outside of Dan Tana's on Santa Monica boulevard in West Hollywood. We went through the back. George threatened to abandon me if I didn't have the Jerry Weintraub veal cutlet. I wasn't in a vealy mood, but damn that was something!

While I ate, George talked to Dan about the new Coen brother's pic, Burn after Reading. After both George and Dan insisted I try the tiramisu, G went on about doing voiceover for The Fantastic Mr. Fox and working with Cate Blanchett and Bill Murray. I missed most of that because I tripped out on the tiramisu so heavily I didn't come back around for a good ten minutes. Dude, I swear I saw heaven.

We left the same way we came in, but by now the cameras had found us. You know, no matter how obnoxious they can be, when you're stuffed with veal, several martinis, and tiramisu, you become water buffalo to the paparazzi gnats; irritating, yes, but what the hell.

Then, totally spur-of-the-moment we flew up to Portland. George has heard a lot about Portland, mainly from me. He thought he'd been here once, but he couldn't say for sure since he was “pretty drunk” that weekend. Anyway, we flew up on a chartered flight. George's word on Portland: “I should have thought twice about buying that big ass mansion on Lake Como!” That's right Portland - the big GC thinks you're tops.

Last year about this time he and I, along with Brad Pitt, hung out. I was in LA and had met up with them. Then at lunch, George gets a wild hair: let's sneak onto the set of Julia's latest film! Next thing I know we're creeping along the back of the outdoor set of Fireflies in the Garden, which is due out sometime this year.

George tells me, “Best if you let me and Brad do this part.” Suddenly I'm standing around with my thumb up my ass and Hayden Panettiere comes up to me. After about five seconds I realize she's got me confused me with Daniel Moder, the cinematographer. Apparently Dan and I look alike and it was her first day on the shoot.

Article Author: Marlowe

"You have a somewhat peculiar sense of humor,” he said.
"Not peculiar," I said. "Just uninhibited."

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