As John Mark Karr emerges as the alleged killer of JonBenet Ramsey, TV exclusives like The Insider are interpreting relics from his past as they attempt to create and understand the profile of a potential killer.
This has included pictures of him in marching band (you know what they say about those band kids ... they're up to no good!) and things he wrote in high school yearbooks.
This leads me to wonder: If I go crazy and kill someone famous or something like that, how will people interpret my high school yearbook? And so we turn to my senior high school yearbook, Hicksville High School Hixonian 2003, Volume 88, to get a glimpse of the killer profile that is Chelsea Louise Snyder.
Page 16, Senior directory. Chelsea Snyder was involved in many, many student organizations and assumed leadership in many. She also received many awards. What does this mean? Chelsea Snyder kept herself busy so as to prevent others from suspecting that she had the mind of a killer and a thirst for blood.
Page 16G – Snyder's senior portrait shows a "come hither" stare and a peak of cleavage. Clearly a provacative Lolita, Snyder must have satisfied her bloodthirst in these young developmental years by utilizing her Basic Instinct-like skills to lure and kill unsuspecting suitors.
Page 28 – Snyder is featured with other senior girls at Homecoming. She is in the back row, third from the left. This position signifies that Snyder is a loner and likes to be behind the scenes so as to better prepare herself to claim her victims.
Page 32 – A quote blurb is featured by Snyder in response to the question, "What was your best memory of the senior trip?" to which she responded, "The many interesting events in the hotel at night." Clearly, she killed someone that night and is alluding to it so as to taunt authorities.
Page 34 – Snyder is pictured as the "Most Artistic" member of her graduating class in the group of senior superlatives. Artistic and dangerous.
Article comments
— go to most recent comments1 - Lady Dragonfyre
Hah! your article is hilarious!
In HS, I was voted "most quietest." Clearly, I’m an angry sociopath with an Electra complex who preys on older women who resemble my mother. :-P
2 - Matthew T. Sussman
What do you mean if?
3 - lori
Great fun, Chels! I read this earlier today but didn't get a chance to leave a comment.
So all the stuff that the yearbook staff wrote about you is interesting, but what did YOU write in other people's yearbooks. I bet tthat'd be quite a story!
4 - Jessa
Nice article! That made me actually laugh out loud. I was in the band too...
5 - Snarkattack
Aw man, I was a band geek, and had so many extra-curricular activities listed that perhaps I could've done it...us band geeks. We're evil incarnate.
6 - SHARK
You forgot:
"...Chelsea harbored a desperate obsession with receiving attention and admiration from total strangers; always participated in very public, explicit forms of "Look at me! Look at me!" She particularly wants others to know intimate details from her short past, including likes, dislikes, awards, and cutesy collaborations/public split-ups with her boyfriend the Sports Geek..."
: )
7 - SHARK
Oh, almost forgot:
Check out "Chelsea's Pants"!!!
8 - Matthew T. Sussman
(Looks at Shark's yearbook)
Wow, voted Most Likely To Be In Need Of A Good Cockpunch.
9 - Clavos
Very, very funny, Chelsea. Enjoyed it a lot.
10 - SHARK
[Looks at Suss's yearbook]
Wow.
"...voted Most Likely to Publicly Court and Then Dump His Fiance -- and Yet Continue to Come to Her 'Defense' Like Some Digital Knight in Shining Armor. "
11 - Matthew T. Sussman
Hmm, you seem pretty happy, so I'll leave you in that fantasy world where you have arcane knowledge of our relationship.
12 - Nancy
Very amusing article, and alas, too much on target for comfort. Especially the part about marching band members.
13 - Michael J. West
Ahh, don't sweat it, Suss. These past few months have been incredibly tough going for our dear old friend Shark here...despite much counseling and the occasional shock treatment, the doctors have been unable to cure him of the delusion that he's amusing.
14 - Al Barger
Miss Chelsea, you think you're some kinda psycho killer? HA! Imagine what they'd come up with for ME. Not that I'm a narcisstic psycho, or anything.
15 - gonzo marx
nah...
we all know the only real psycho around here has the initials gm...
but i digress...
Fun article!
made me chuckle
Excelsior?
16 - Chelsea Snyder
Sharkypoo, when are you going to take me out on that date?
17 - Matthew T. Sussman
(Vomits)
18 - Al Barger
Gonzo, I laugh at your pretensions of psychosis. Let's put it this way: Is there anyone here who can testify to YOUR cannibalistic tendencies? I didn't think so.
19 - Victor Plenty
Pay no attention to the Shark behind the curtain! He's just jealous of Chelsea's gravitas.
And Mr. Barger, I have just one URL for you: www.eathufu.com
20 - Chelsea Snyder
As bloggers, aren't we all a little psychotic?
21 - Clavos
Victor, Pretty cool! How did you make that link work only for Al? :>)
22 - gonzo marx
for big Al in number 18...
of course not..i ate the witnesses!
psychotic, mebbe...but not dumb
oh yeah, and fer my favorite Shark....
i luv you maaAAAaaAAAaan!
XOXOXOXO
Excelsior?
23 - Victor Plenty
Hmm. That link seems to have taken a little vacation, hopefully a temporary one. The curious and enterprising can enter the link into Google and then look at Google's cache of the site.
24 - Michael J. West
Shit, I wish I was psychotic. But these days I'm a pretty lousy blogger, which makes me a pretty lousy psycho.
25 - Al Barger
Re: comment 22- Good comeback, Gonzo.