Contractions (like “it’s”) are another bit of sand in the ointment of good writing. Take my word for it, though, no one cares whether you say “your” or “you’re.” The sentence “Your not using you’re head” makes perfect sense to ninety percent of the population, so why bother trying to figure out which is correct?
Likewise, don’t worry about homophones. In the past few weeks in different publications I’ve seen instances of reporters writing about being in dire "straights” and having one’s curiosity “peaked.” Take a tip from the professionals: do your best to spell the word phonetically and get on with your life.
One of the main reasons that no one cares about how to write good anymore is that we now communicate a great deal via written messages on the internet, and because many people who use the internet can neither type nor spell, written communication has reverted to a language of abbreviations, hieroglyphics and the modern-day equivalent of cave painting. They use sideways pictures called “emoticons” such as {;>) which is supposed to represent a person smiling and winking. They don’t say that something is funny, they say “LOL” or “ROTFLMAO” (laugh out loud; rolling on the floor laughing my ass off). They also often refuse to use upper case letters--or use upper case exclusively--and punctuation of any kind, and call each other by weird names:
hey blamo ufabno (woo gitty) down by mr stankys lol—pigmeats gonna be their to
The result is that you have to read a message about 12 times in order to at least partially figure out what the sender was trying to say. It’s no wonder that people who spend hours every day communicating like this have trouble with formal English, imho.
So don’t let the fact that you know nothing about grammar, spelling and punctuation make you think that you can’t write good. The only rule left is that you should start at the beginning and make your way to the end by way of the middle, and if you apply yourself, the first thing you know yule be writing more better than myself. (LOL)
Article comments
— go to most recent comments1 - Matthew T. Sussman
Well job on this
2 - Cathy
Another way to write good is if you can't find an appropriate verb, just use a noun, e.g. "let's dialogue, Bob," or "the church fellowshipped." This is a good thing, really, as one noun can replace a multitude of verbs and will lead us onward to a shinningly ambiguous future: "I carred to work," "Let's TV," "I booked." Did he write a book? Read a book? Order plane tickets? File charges against a criminal? The world may never know.
3 - Jim Wynne
Cathy:
I intend to leverage that idea.
4 - Duane
This is a great article Jim. I should of read you're article a long time ago because in my work I write technical papers and I waist a lot of time worrying about comma's and semicolons's and whatnot. Your saying that for all intensive purposes that one shouldn't worry about there grammar so much just write what's on you're mind and every one will get the pitcher.
When it come's to grammar I was always taught to tow the line so I always had my thesuarus open to check my definitions and stuff. Like Cathy would say I thesuarused my way threw articles and I would feel badly for taking so long. Like my superviser would be waiting with baited breath, you know LOL. Its a doggy dog world out there an anyway to accelerate my speed like in you're article really helps. I didn't want to just make do ya know? I seen one guy he turned in a sloppy report and the superviser he says it would pass the mustard any way and the guy tells me he had the worse feeling. Any ways you layed some of my fears to rest.
So, to synopsize, my comment's, I say "here here!
5 - Dawn
Obviously Jim, you've been reading my articles. Thanks for the advice, I will keep up the good work :)
6 - Mary K. Williams
Awesome! Wicked wicked awesome! All graduates of the Derek Zoolander Institute for Kids Who Can't Read Good will rejoice!
7 - DrPat
Gosh, Jim, you passed completely on the strongest trend in communication: TLAs. Jargon is always a rich source for counter-communication, so CYA ASAP!
8 - Jim Wynne
But TLAs aren't A's, using "TLA" as an example. Now my head hurts.
9 - gonzo marx
OMG!!!
TLAs?
WTG!
WTF?
IMO
Excelsior?
10 - Jackie
Love it!
11 - Andy Marsh
Thanks, I had to wipe OJ off the computer screen when I read the first line. That's awesome! I think you mighta teached me sumpin'
12 - Andy Marsh
Actually, it was the second line...
13 - SonnyD
Jim: Loved it! Haven't laughed that much for quite a while. Duane may have out dun ya, though. I have actually heard and read "intensive purposes" and "doggy dog world" just recently.
My pet peeve is that NOone knows the difference between "less" and "fewer". I don't claim to know it all. Heck, I seldom write anything longer than my grocery list. But, a network news anchor should know something as simple as that. Words are the tools of their trade. Would you hire a plumber who couldn't use a wrench or a carpenter who couldn't use a hammer? How do these people even get a job?
My other pet peeve is over-used phrases. It used to be "at this point in time" and now the latest is "in harm's way".
I have to admit, I do take a wild guess at where to throw in that pesky comma sometimes.
14 - Baronius
We didn't have problems like this before the liberals and homophones took over the country.
15 - Andy Marsh
I was gonna mention them too baronius...but I didn't wanna start anything...
16 - Gordon Hauptfleisch
The title of you're article its grammeratically rong--it shoud be: How to Write Goodly. Sorry I just cant leave Well enougf alone.
17 - Baronius
Cathy I agree that bothers me and so is the sentence with no punctuation but what REALY bothers me is the verb being used as a noun. Have you noticed that all reporters talk about "the disconnect" between things or people? Its "disconnection" you moron's.
18 - Jim Wynne
Duane's comment (#4) is funnier than my piece. You know that parody is good when you have a hard time distinguishing between it and the thing being parodied.
Baronius: You are an obvious homophonic.
19 - Gordon Hauptfleisch
I keep an eye out for "signs" of the times. My favorites:
"RE-GRAND OPENING" for stores under new management(I've seen a few of these).
"Looking for KNOWLEDGABLE People"--Help Wanted sign at a bookstore, yet.
20 - uao
Me also like ur riting.
21 - Gertrude
Dear Duane,
If UR going to rite, please get it st8t. It iz "intensive porpoises." You should conversate better. UR nervousing me.
Latah, fur sher!
Gertrude
22 - Gordon Hauptfleisch
And it's not "No man is an island," it's "No Mayonaise in Ireland."
23 - Mary K. Williams
My husband's pet peeve is 'irregardless' when people really mean to say 'regardless'.
24 - Matthew T. Sussman
Could you be Morse Pacific?
25 - Mary K. Williams
I dont no that i cud. this hole thing making me feel dum.