This is a useful purchase you can use to warn those annoying two-leggers of your fast approach. You don’t want them to be caught off guard by the sudden appearance of your lofty presence, nor do you want them to step into your predestined path.
4. Get a bicycle basket.
This handy device provides a place for those excessive items that won’t fit in your bag. You won’t have to worry about shoving your ten-pound volume of The Complete Works of Shakespeare into your shallow messenger bag. Instead, simply plop the plump book into your basket and forget about lugging the damned thing around. Your hands are now free.
5. Buy a lock.
Now that you have your perfect peddler you want to ensure it is not taken away from you. Therefore, always bring your lock and attach your bike firmly and securely to a pole that even an F4 tornado can’t uproot.
6. Memorize bicycle facts.
Become more knowledgeable about your bike and the perks of bicycling. Being able to recite why riding your bike is better than other forms of transportation will further increase the already good opinion you have of yourself, as well as provide you with conversation material. This is especially helpful at parties and social gatherings. A good fact like, “Did you know that fourteen bicycles can fit into one parking space?” will make others believe you are not only a conceited citizen, but a concerned one as well.
7. Buy a copy of The Portable Nietzsche.
Take advantage of your now elevated status by reading this pretentious, self-glorifying piece of literature. It will help you establish the right attitude you need to ride your bike, namely, the attitude that you are better than everyone else. And, it will remind you that the “will to power” is achieved through the “will to bicycle.”
Following these fast facts will have you on your way to a faster mode of transportation, that is, a way of getting somewhere quickly without all the trotting and trudging and trucks and traffic.
Riding your bike is proven, not scientifically or philosophically, to increase your cranial capacity as well as tone your thigh muscles. It has been verified, not conclusively, to inspire a feeling of indulgence and importance.
The speed, the efficiency, the elevation, and the accommodation which go along with bike riding make it, all of it, worth the wheel.
With all these benefits, why would you ever want to continue walking?
Article comments
1 - Joanne Huspek
Funny, my husband and I had this conversation yesterday as he was cleaning the garage and the cobwebs off my bike. Where do you live?
I only ask, because in my area, people don't bike. A lot of people don't even walk. Why? Because the drivers here don't see bikers or pedestrians. A person on a bicycle is killed here every so often, and usually it's a hit and run. I've almost been run over while walking in the crosswalk. Really, I'm not that small where a driver could miss seeing me.