Satire: Gossip Guy - Page 2

According to a source close to Survivor winner, James Thomas, after being in the wilderness for 39 days, James will be using his winnings to buy a grocery store, a liquor store, and the affection of some women in Mobile, Alabama.

Weather

Hollywood studio heads are declaring the drought is officially over and are predicting a heavy rainfall of great summer movies this year, which may cause ticket flooding in some small, low lying theaters.

Dining

McDonald's Corporation has announced a new value menu featuring peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. But be forewarned, you will be expected to bring your own peanut butter, jelly, and bread to the restaurant and then make your own sandwich. Prices will vary depending on the quality of your sandwich.

Emeril's in New Orleans announced today they will be offering a new value menu that will be more in tune with our economic times. The new dishes featured will be very similar to the items listed on the value menu at the McDonald's located two blocks away. In the spirit of this new value menu, the wait staff will no longer ask you what kind of water you prefer.

The Economy

Because of the recession, sales are down for most store items. However, some items are selling quite well. According to the American Institute of Important Statistics, the average American is now buying five pounds of chocolate, three cases of beer, and two adult films every three days. The institute admitted that the statistics are probably being skewed by the unemployed.

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Article Author: The Crow

I live in Madison, Wisconsin. Once in a while, I leave the coal mine and see a movie, eat dinner out, and mix with other crows. The rest of the time, I'm on my computer.

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