In a move that stunned director Mel Gibson’s Christian fan base, the formerly devote Catholic announced he has converted to the controversial religion of Scientology. The move comes immediately after Tom Cruise was heralded as the Church of Scientology’s Christ. “Really I just go where my spirit leads,” said Gibson. “Tom’s a compassionate and pious leader in his Church. His wife is also a virgin mother, which was a huge sell for me.”
Gibson alluded to the long held belief of Scientologists that Cruise has never had a sexual relationship with Holmes, which by default makes her a virgin mother. Cruise’s younger, better looking manservant is cited as living proof of the virgin birth based on his constant attendance to Holmes in her private sanctuary prior to the pregnancy.
A new convert and a claim of virgin birth doesn’t make life easier for Cruise whose antics got him booted from Paramount Pictures and led to allegations that he has in fact gone “crazy.” Cruise was unavailable for comment regarding these developments, but a statement released by his publicist suggested he was excited to see another high-profile actor join his religion. The statement even mentions that Cruise and Gibson will team up on a project in the near future.
Gibson, who is already planning a big budget remake of Battlefield Earth told predominantly in the Psychlo language, was more open about his plans with Cruise. “I’m really excited to tell the story of Cruise’s life,” said Gibson. “Right now, we’re really just waiting on his crucifixion.”
Gibson says unlike The Passion of the Christ, which merely ended with a glimpse of the resurrected Messiah, he envisions the tentatively titled The Passion of the Cruise will delve into Cruise’s prophesied return from the dead. “Cruise already knows how it happens,” said Gibson.
Article comments
1 - Tommy
Daniel:
For our own sake, you need to find another job or pastime. Only a complete moron would believe what you've just written.
2 - Marcia L. Neil
What about other 'Gibsons'? How about the airlines employee who gave over his apartment so that an effort to control hordes angling toward a 'special tree' in San Francisco, CA's Golden Gate Park could be attempted. Efforts to re-direct hordes descending on the peninsula failed, all carrying the image of a baby palm tree in their brains, the tree now-grown in GGPark. A major earthquake resulted when the contacts all died as a result from housing and fat-salary demands from the horde. Michael + Joaquin + Scott may they rest in peace.
3 - kim
I hope Mel Gibson is happy.I think Mel,needs prayer.Mel,really needs JESUS!Mel, needs a true Born Again experience.My prayers are for Mel,to really find Jesus,and then to be touched by the Holy Spirit.Mel,read John 3.It will be then that Mel,will be truly happy!My Prayers are with you Mel.In Jesus Love,Kim.
4 - Disciple’s Deification
"Mel Take the Wheel"