Here at the Blogcritics Child Safety Laboratory, we are about ensuring a safe yet fun environment for children of all ages. Every year around Christmastime there's one primary threat which pops the bubble of our youth's innocence. While this year is no exception, this time the threat could actually pop those metaphorical bubbles, were the bubbles not metaphorical.
In disjunction with the CSPC's annual list of dangerous toys and the CDC's information on flu shots, the BCSL has delegated me to strongly urge our nation's parents not to get their children vaccinated for the flu (I'm not sure why they just don't tell the parents themselves, because I could screw up the wording, but I can only assume their reasoning involves protection our nation's kids from a plethora of boo-boos. So I won't prod too much).
Seriously, folks, has anyone actually seen a flu vaccine up close? It's a goddamn needle. We at the BCSL are dedicated to public service, scouring dollies and assorted playthings for any hint of a sharp corner. Meanwhile, the media go and haphazardly tells mothers and fathers to give their defenseless littluns big effin' needles. It's a sad, sad day in America when it needs to be blatantly said, but needles are sharp and could poke someone's arm. Or even their eyes. Or whatever it touches. Them suckers are pointy.
And many people don't know this, but vaccines are filled with bacteria. The BCSL is dedicated to checking mattress and crib manufacturers in an attempt to eradicate any chance of biohazards entering materials during production, so we are not about to give our sacrosanct blessing on germ-riddled needles for our nation's future.
And last I checked, our children hate getting flu shots as gifts. They always cry like, well, children once they see it. Our core mission is to ensure happy childhoods for years to come. How about a nice Xbox, with the corners sanded off? It's one of the BCSL's blue-ribbon recommendations for a gift this year, seeing as it's a commendable way to entertain a child on a rainy day, or if they're home sick from school.
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