This morning — like most mornings — I found myself scanning the Internet for my holy grail, a multi-colored neon Jesus sign. I’ve seen them everywhere here in Colorado Springs and decided I wanted to get one. When I find one, it’ll be hanging where it belongs in my garage: just above the Corona and below the Playboy Bunny signs already hanging on the wall abutting the house.
It’s taken me quite a while trying to find my Jesus sign because Google isn’t very smart. If I type “signs of Jesus,” Google spews page after page after page of people claiming to have seen signs of Jesus.
Somebody’s cat left a paw print in the snow and it melted ever so slightly and then a newspaper was called and then the village people arrived and then more press arrived and then soon, the Internet is awash with news that another sign of Jesus has been made. Hall - aye - you - yah.
Even typing, “multi-colored neon Jesus signs” won’t get me anywhere, other than the famously famous article I wrote for BlogCritics. In fact, mid-way through Google’s list, there’s an interesting quote attributed to Jesus: “Beware of religion.”
Curious, I clicked the link, and a banner popped up: "CHURCH FOR THE CHURCHLESS."
Hall - aye - you - yah. Below that is an intellectually written story about how Jesus committed graffiti and how it scared the local villagers into become more “aware” of the Bible, church and especially, Jesus.
If you thought “beware” meant the same as watching out for frothing, angry, and rabid Cujo, well, you were just plain wrong. If you thought God was going to shock your shirt off with a sliver of lightning on your bottom, you were way off base. You might be the only other person on the planet who thought the same things, too.
The article (really a posting of an excerpt from a book) ends up with the usual moral tale: know your Bible, pay your church lots of alms, and above all, graffiti — in the name of religious empowerment — is acceptable. If Jesus did it, so can we.
I’m going to go run around my neighborhood and spray paint “PAOTIE RULES!” on every fence, garage door, car, mailbox, and even windows in the neighborhood. Why not? Jesus did it! Hall - aye - you - yah!
Article comments
1 - Baronius
What's this article about?
2 - gonzo marx
the author wants to become a Rastafarian, perhaps?
Excelsior?
3 - Paotie
Crud.
I left out the last few paragraphs when I copied and pasted from my site to BC's. I tried to copy from WordPress to BC's Rich Text, but things got screwy with the coding.
Sorry for the confusion.