ANNE HATHAWAY'S BREASTS SIGN DEVELOPMENT DEAL
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
LOS ANGELES, CA – Paramount Pictures, a subsidiary of Viacom Inc., announced today that Anne Hathaway’s breasts, collectively known as “The Hathaway Twins,” have signed a three-picture first-look development deal. The Hathaway Twins, individually credited as Princess Lefty McGee and Jenny Moon-Unit Zappa, are the stars of the currently released fashion pic, The Devil Wears Prada. They recently signed with super-agent Ari Emmanuel of Endeavor for representation in all areas.
Fresh off a star-making performance in the Academy Award-winning drama Brokeback 
Mountain, The Hathaway Twins have seen their popularity explode almost overnight, culminating in their lucrative development deal. Their revealing performance wowed critics and audiences alike and started an intense bidding war amongst the major studios. The spring release of their much delayed debut film, the spicy teen drama Havoc, brought them instant Internet credibility and a fan base loyal enough to compete with any other star in today’s market.
The decision to break away from actress Anne Hathaway and start their own career was risky, but their deal with Paramount cements their place in the industry and positions them well for higher visibility projects. Upcoming roles prove The Hathaway Twins are a diverse, wide-ranging talent whose future in the industry looks bright.
Upcoming projects include:
- Signed as the September cover model for Maxim Magazine. Hugh Hefner said to be personally offended that the Twins rejected his offer to pose for Playboy.
- As a favor to The Devil Wears Prada co-star Adrian Grenier, The Hathaway Twins will guest star on the next episode of Entourage, playing the first-act love interest of rising start Vincent Chase. They also share the screen with series scene stealer Jeremy Piven, who sources say personally requested that he be able to “hug it out” with his vivacious co-stars.
- In discussions to be the Winter Catalog Spokesperson for Victoria’s Secret.
- Will host the 2006 Cable Ace Awards.
if (preg_match('/ Exact details of the deal are confidential. However, one crucial element of the deal has been released, a so-called “Breast Indemnity Clause.” Supposedly created in response to the death of the Lindsay's Lohans deal, The Hathaway Twins are required to maintain strict size and weight requirements in order to satisfy the terms of the contract. Should the Twins fall prey to the Lindsay Lohan magical rack disappearing phenomenon, they will have thirty days to make weight. If the weight is not met, the deal becomes null and void. A similar rack incentive plan is being considered for Scarlet Johansson’s Breasts’ potential four-picture deal at 20th Century Fox. Jason (a.k.a. The Jay) is the head writer for the internet humor site, www.TheJay.com. He can usually be found online, obsessively studying box office returns and IMDB resume pages. Go ahead, try and stump him at “Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon”, it’s not gonna happen. …
Article Author: The Jay
Article comments
1 - Gordon Hauptfleisch
This is sure to touch off an intense bidding war with Angelina Jolie's lips and Jennifer Connelly's eyebrows.
2 - Eric Olsen
"development deal": classic Jay, thanks!
3 - Chris Evans
Aw, I love Annie.