I look forward to Tuesdays very much like Adam Sandler looked forward to nudie magazine day in his fan favorite "Billy Madison." The thrill of heading into the local mass electronics chain and scanning rows upon rows of newly released digital goodness is too hard to resist. It's after the adrenalin has stopped pumping, the new releases are in the bag, and my 36 inches of wasted reciept are in the bag that everything seems to go down hill.
Round 1: Their first line of defense is the shrinkwrap. Eager to check out the innards of my lateast purchase, my first instinct once inside the car is to rip them discs right open. No so. Not even my keys can tear through this space age material. I slice, I slice, but eventually, I must give up hope since I'm ruining the case and bring in my second troop: The teeth. Thanks to a rather forgettable incident in high school, one of my front teeth is made entirely of plastic. That little bad boy has served me well over the years especially since it's now chipped and sharp as a razor. After countless minutes of knawing (and strange looks from the ever growing populace outside my vehicle), I finally make a small hole in it's ozone layer. It's not big, but I can finally slide my finger in there and tear it off. Round 1: Me.
Round 2: Now we move on to the "security stickers." These inept pieces of sticky goo are hardly the detterent to any shoplifter. Come on, everyone knows that in order to take a stack of DVD's, you stuff them into your oversized parka on a 90 degree day and make a mad dash for the door. Workng retail, I know how this works. Besides, even a stupid shoplifter knows that tearing these stickers off in time to make an escape is impossible. Now past the shrinkwrap, my tooth begins round 2. He's got nothing on these stickers. Again, the weakers keys make their presence felt, but the stickers continue fighting back. It's time for my secret weapon: The thumb nail. Having not chewed it off for 2 whole weeks, he's stronger than ever. I dig into it's starting point and finally make some progress. After 25 minutes of a struggle that is comparable to putting on jeans 2 sizes too small, I breath a sigh of relief. I'm home free.....almost.
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