Surely we've all suffered through too many Decembers to have any remaining appreciation for the holiday classics. The Christian world is plagued by Christmas "carols" for some six weeks out of every year, yet albums of this chirpy, irksome drivel keep on selling. Then again, there are still Rush fans out there - misguided souls.
Nothing unsettles an actual classic rock fan more than some crap artist shrieking like a little bitch. That and the shitkicking magic of country music was part of everyday life working at Albertson's. Yeah, that company is on the brink of collapse. The supermarket chain I now work for thinks the spoof soundtrack of The Wedding Singer is the way into a deeper relationship with America's disposable income. Of course, no talent hacks who charge lower royalties appear to be the mainstay of every company's playlist.
The sickest part of our plight? The most mind-raping songs on their playlist are by far the ones played most often. Some Starbucks-ass little punk singing like a pansy about true love on a first date just makes me want to whip out my box cutter and end it all. I get to hear this constantly. It's all candy ass, all the time.
Classical music would be an attractive solution to the annoyance problem. Hardcore favorites like "Toccata and Fugue" or "Beethoven's 5th" would be unlikely choices for retail radio. However, unnerving besetment does not result from even the most listless, piss-poor classical tune - shrieking opera scores aside. Simply put, I'd rather abandon my shopping cart and sprint for the nearest exit than be assailed by "Achy Breaky Heart" as I was as an Albertson's cashier. Each slaving day, I looked forward to going deaf with George Thorogood and Mozart while swilling caustic Chardonnay. Vivaldi ain't great, but he won't drive you to drink.
Ignoring the music would be great if your subconscious mind would allow it. A tight budget and a wary mind guard me from psychological tricks - I think. Whether you abhor the music and shop or whistle along and buy more, we all lose. Small, everyday victories are how the ruling class stays on top, screwing us all from cradle to grave.
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