The past year has been rather messy, and I wonder at times if I am losing my mind. I know that I have a lot of character flaws and that the lifestyle I lead is unbalanced, but I can't seem to make myself change things for the better. Actually, I'm backsliding instead. I am restless and distracted when I should be concentrating on my work. And I fear that instead of becoming a more open person, I have become more and more of a misanthrope.
I understand that I need to concentrate, get out more, and lead a more balanced life - but understanding is different from doing. I don't mean to say that I haven't done anything, but maybe I'm not trying hard enough? I don't know. While I am aware the transition into adulthood can be tumultuous, it feels right now like I'm on a path of self-destruction. And I'm just not snapping out of it. Any ideas?
It sounds as if a stern lecture and some kind of kick in the ass would be inside your comfort zone. And if you were having a Saturn transit, this is exactly what I would offer you, but this is not the case. Instead you’re having a Neptune transit, which invariably brings confusion and an inability to focus.
Imagine being tossed in the middle of ocean and it’s just as you describe. You mean to get to the beach, to solid ground... but you just can’t go against these enormous forces. How deep is the ocean, anyway? And you’re just this little girl out there… watching other people on the beach walk a straight line, while you remain disabled.
So the first thing to know is this is not permanent. Things will begin to clarify early next year. And one of the things about being 19 is you generally just don’t have enough years on the planet to put these things in perspective.