How does emotional intelligence (EQ), or lack of, play out in relationships? There are many excellent and academic explanations of EQ. I break it down here into everyday life stuff.
When we bury or ignore our feelings, we use an express sidetrack; that is, we let the feelings hang out and spill out into places where they do not fit, are not appropriate, and cause us problems. While not a biggie, this personal scene between my husband and I produced an excellent opportunity to practice emotional intelligence in a non-combative time clip - no tension or irritation between us.
An emotionally intelligent relationship is filled with emotionally intelligent moments like this. Layers of unresolved or sometimes unexpressed emotion complicate the process of emotional intelligence in a relationship when there is more tension and stress.
How does anyone learn to practice emotional awareness and intelligence? First, it requires an immediate shift of mindset on three particular points:
1. Never seek to blame others for what went wrong and expect them to fix a conflict or problem.
2. Always look to yourself for the solution and what changes you can make.
3. Share your findings and request collaboration and cooperation from your partner.
I describe this change in mindset with the wisdom, “Discovering what I can do activates my power. Blaming others gives my power to them.”
This is so simple that if we routinely base our choices on the idea, we will discover our emotions, harness them to increase our power, and expand our path to solutions. Doesn't sound so easy to you? That's okay. I said it was simple, not easy.
The idea of walking up a 45-degree incline is simple, but not necessarily easy to do for all. It takes motivation, practice, and getting in shape. Get your emotional intelligence in shape and watch how your relationship grows.
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