As we were each getting settled in the car, my loving husband struggled furiously with his bulky coat, which became entangled in his seat belt. “#$@%&%$”, he muttered. I immediately turned to him wondering where that came from, but then restrained myself from butting into his emotional moment. I allowed him the space to experience it. I successfully edited out my often instantaneous (and sarcastic) reaction of “What's that all about?” - this time.
Instead, he quickly processed his own unpleasant outburst and volunteered remarkable insight into his emotions. “Sorry. That was dumb. I guess I am still frustrated with the business client I was speaking with just as we left.” Next he peeled the feeling back further. After a few more moments of reflective silence, he added, “No, the client was fine. What I am really ticked about is that I let him interrupt the football game I was watching by answering his call. I could have let it ring through to voice mail.”
He recognized he was taking his aggravation out on an innocent seat belt because he chose to answer a call. So simple and yet smart to recognize, emotional awareness acted out in a demonstration of relationship emotional intelligence. Recognizing an emotional moment and knowing if, when, and how to express feelings is essential for satisfying, intimate relationships. This small slice of life represented all of that.
Both me keeping my mouth shut and him finding his expressive voice were what we needed to do to have that emotionally intelligent moment. I kept any feelings of criticism or annoyance in check; otherwise, I may have interrupted his reflective process. Instead of gaining insight into his emotions, our relationship would have gained nothing but unproductive silence or mild spatting. Both he and I are emotionally aware, most of the time. We continue to improve and grow with respect for each other and strengthen the emotional networking in our relationship.
I received my husband’s permission to tell this personal anecdote, but I will stop here and not carry on extolling his other virtues as a spouse.
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