Point is, nothing worked.
Simply put, I couldn't imagine a life without drink.
My friends and I used to scare the shit out of one another with horror stories about diabetes or any other ailment which would mean we couldn't drink. Fuck, man, I'd rather be stabbed in the eyes with the red hot pokers of Hades. So I thought, anyroad.
I wrote songs about the pubs I went to. I read books about exotic places I wanted to throw up in. I have a tattoo of Shane MacGowan on my left arm. I read books by Brendhan Behan simply because he died on account of the drink.
Because that's how The Duke was going to go.
Because if The Duke wasn't drinking, he was thinking about dirnking. Scheming, lying, planning, because next time it'd be difference, y'see, and I would prove to the world that it was just because of the depression, that's why I fell down the stairs. All that anxiety, man, of course a guy's gonna fall asleep in a main road with all that weighing down! Sheesh.
But fuck y'all, if you're thinking I'm clawing for sympathy or some such. Not at all. Rather, I relate to you this very condensed version of my exploits in the possibly vain hope that someone as royally fucked as I was before I even hit the age of 21 might come to their own senses.
Because it was doing more to me than it was doing for me. It was robbing me of ambition and optimism and very nearly The Duchess, the person I entrust my soul to, and swear to do anything for, and yet the one thing that would have made her happy was completely beyond me.
So then I ended up in AA. It took three weeks or thereabouts before I took my final drink, after my second and last gig as an Alternative Country balladeer type. The gig was well received, by the way, it's just that I actively avoid anywhere that might lead to temptation.
And I'm not saying Alcohol is evil, either. For one thing, I wouldn't be engaged to The Duchess right now if not for the baffling courage afforded me by intoxication.
But the life I have now is the one I always wanted, the one I thought you could pick up from between the puke stained seats of a Saturday-night taxi.
Article comments
1 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
Man, that felt good right there. I'm glad i got that out is what. It'll be a year this week, by the way, just by way of epilogue.
And to the individual who requested this here conclusion of sorts, i hope you liked it.
Thanks.
2 - Mary K. Williams
God Bless you Duke : )