“Don't be too quick to judge,” says Haltzman. “Women might give up a job to focus on an advanced degree, pursue artistic or creative goals, or deal with health issues.”
What freakin’ ever. The phrase “pursue artistic or creative goals” is lazy-speak for “play.” Want to be thought of as an adult? Try acting like one. To give up a job in exchange for doing nothing is every teen’s dream. Good going, ladies. You married your dads - and we don’t need Freud for that.
Dealing with health issues is not a lifestyle choice, it’s a necessity - assuming you mean an actual physical malady, and not the self-imposed restrictions of plastic surgery or a diet and exercise regime that a job or child(ren) just wouldn’t accommodate.
Pursuing an education is itself a job. Hell, I’ve often thought people should get paid just for successfully completing their FAFSA the first time around. Attending college is hardly in keeping with the whole stay-at-home formula and would surely interfere with all that artistic and creative endeavor.
Give real women a break, ladies. You’re not fooling anyone. At the very least, stop complaining about the bedsores. I spent my stay-at-home days with my children, not my inner children. If you’re unemployed, not enrolled, and have no children or health problems, then “What do you do all day?” is a valid question. If the color of your parachute is see-through, it’s time to call it a day and get a life.
I’ll give it to Haltzman, though. He’s making good money as the PR guy for the animal kingdom’s newest discovery: the ten-toed sloth.
Article comments
1 - Joanne Huspek
Good rant. I never had any stay-at-home days, but I know plenty who did. It's weird how the battle lines are drawn between the warring factions. Nowadays, with my kids grown, I'm too exhausted-mature-wise (or maybe just don't give a damn) about the SAHMs. There's a place for all.
2 - SANDRA GOLIVER
Just who do you think you are?! If the man doesn't have a problem with the woman in his life staying home, then it's none of your business!
If you want to play follow the leader and do like everyone else, so be it. But don't assume a woman that wants to stay home is useless or that you are better than that person!
And before you say it, yes, I know you are talking about a woman that isn't going to school and doesn't have kids. Doesn't matter.
If this is the best you can find to write about, you really should become one of those women!!!
Sandy Goliver
3 - Diana Hartman
Just who do you think you are?!
I'm the one who was made privy to the complaints some of these women have about their choice. I did not seek them out; they sought me out. Once the complaint was brought to my attention, all bets were off.
One is not obligated to write a positive review of a DVD just because a free copy was provided. In the same vein, I am not obligated to write a positive article about stay-at-home-wives just because their "plight" was made known to me.
4 - maskay
Great article.
I read about this new trend on a major news website.
I agree "what do you do all day" is a valid question.
I do think it is a personal choice to stay home if your partner agrees.
But personally, I can't imagine working my way through college to do nothing. I also would feel as if I had lost my identity and I was "mrs. X".
I also want to know, what happens 20 years later when you husband leaves you for a younger model and you have 1)no retirement 2) no social secuirty 3)haven't worked for years and now can't get a job?
5 - Scott Haltzman
Diane,
Well written article! I think you do a great job of looking at the issue from a different, and valid perspective. I enjoyed your sense of humor and engaging writing style.
Scott Haltzman, MD
6 - Georgia
If there's that need to interact with others and get to know them like never before, a little flirting couldn't harm you that much. In fact, if you were at a forum with likeminded individuals it'll make life a lot easier for you. You don't need to keep all the things you wish to discuss all to yourself.
Have all the discussions you want to and enjoy your adult life. It's the freedom everyone deserves, so why should you hold back. Participate in forums that share the same enthusiasm as you and enjoy the flirting scene like never before.
7 - Colleen
Sorry, Diana, but I agree with Sandra.
I respect the fact that you have an opinion about this and I know my reply is VERY late, but I wanted to share my thoughts.
The woman who complained about being asked what she does all day? She has a valid complaint. Maybe she isn't doing a "real" job in your eyes or in the eyes of others, but I'm sure that she works very hard nonetheless. You are judging somebody else without trying to understand their perspective.
Most stay at home wives don't spend time shopping and having lunch with friends and getting their nails done at the beauty salon. I definitely don't...only wealthy women can afford that lifestyle. I've been a stay at home wife for the last two years. I am neither lazy nor self-indulgent. I suffer from depression and I have a disability that makes it difficult for me to find a good job outside the home, but I still do what needs to be done.
This criticism seems to be more about envy and insecurity on your part. As Sandra said, everyone is different. What another woman does with her life or with her time shouldn't concern you. Sure, you're entitled to your opinions, but you should also remember that you aren't perfect.
Count yourself lucky to have a job outside the home because not everyone has that...just like not everyone has the option of being able to stay at home. And comparing stay at home wives to Paris Hilton is just unbelievably low. Do you realize that you are essentially calling us prostitutes? Wow.
8 - Max
When my wife was immigrating to Canada from the US she was a stay at home wife for about a year. She couldn't work and couldn't go to school (not without paying International Fees, which are super $$$). Sometimes it's just circumstances.