A recent article in the New York Times poses a series of questions that couples should ask before marrying. As someone who has been married or living with the person I was going to marry for 24 years I offer you some perspective of my own.
For reference, I got married the first time to a man 20 years older than me when I was 20 years old. Yes, I know. It's been an interesting journey, what can I say? You can read all about that saga here. With my "learning marriage" behind me, I married Scott as a reasonably mature adult. We have been married 14 years now and it's a richer experience every year.
According to the Times article, the first question for a couple to consider is: Have we discussed whether or not to have children, and if the answer is yes, who is going to be the primary care-giver?
From someone who knows more infertile couples than she can shake a stick at (not that this is necessary, as they are nice people) and who happens to be a member of one herself, I highly recommend that you talk about your desire for and commitment to having children even if you run into fertility issues.
I saw a friend lose FIVE babies, one just two weeks prior to term, while becoming increasingly depressed and obsessed with having a child with each loss. Hard on a marriage. Hard on friends watching. Hard on us when I chose not to join her obsession when I hit my own biological brick wall. How important is having a biologically related child? How will you feel about this if one or the other is not able to "give" the other a child they desire?
Of course, you may not really know this until the situation is upon you. How we think we will feel in a situation may not be how we actually do feel once we are in it. I just have to say, especially for couples marrying in their 30s where there has never been a pregnancy, that it always makes me nervous when people talk as though pregnancy is a given.
Article comments
1 - RJ Elliott
"Questions To Ask Before You Get Married"
1 - Do you go down?
If not, RUN!!! (do not walk!!!) away. I mean, you'd just cheat anyway...
2 - You got the HIV?
If yes, this probably isn't going to be a long-term relationship.
3 - Ever have sex with a family member?
Unless you live in Kentucky (where such a thing is kind of a 200-year old fad), a "yes" answer should elicit a "no" answer for you.
4 - How many chromosomes do you have?
If she answers anything other than 46, flee as quickly as possible. She's either a 'gloid, or a member of a different species. Either way, she probably doesn't have the requisite qualities it takes to build a lasting relationship. (Unless you live in Kentucky. See #3 above.)
5 - Do you want to drug me, cut me open, and harvest my kidneys, so that you may sell them on the black market to Asian traders, while I doze in a bathtub filled with ice cubes?
If she says "yes," that could be a really bad sign, depending on how big her tits are. And if she goes down (see #1).
2 - Matthew T. Sussman
And ladies, he's single!
3 - RJ Elliott
ROTFL...
4 - Zedd
Laura
An important one is how his family resolves disputes.
If everyone yells and uses profanity and you were talked to and explained to, RUN!!
You'll think he's dumb, mean and uncouth and he will think you are a door mat just waiting to be pounced on.