Putting the "Guide" Back in Gift Giving

Part of: Spirit of the Holidays 2008

The best way to approach gift buying is to take a cue from The Five Love Languages as spelled out by Dr. Gary Chapman. Determining the language your loved one "speaks" can be tricky, but once you've done that, it takes all the guesswork out of it.

To help you determine their language, think about how they've responded to deeds and gifts in the past - both negatively and positively. This can be very difficult when two people speak very different languages, but it's well worth the investment.

A vacuum cleaner is a bad gift (even if she asks for it) because it says, "I have no idea what's really important to you, but I know a clean floor is important to me!" A new tie is nice for the guy who works in suits, but if he harbors a desire to be the next Tim “The Tool Man” Taylor, adding to his wardrobe will leave him feeling dismissed. Better to hone in on your loved one’s love language and proceed accordingly:

A "Words of Affirmation" person lives for acknowledgment, appreciation, and recognition. This person might do well to receive anything that supports their endeavors — especially the endeavors no one else thinks are important.

This is why power tools are a hit with a lot of guys. All that power is, well, powerful. This person is all about the power of positive reinforcement. Giving a gift to this person that in any way conveys doubt about their skills or talents could spell big trouble.

A "Quality Time" person might like a weekend getaway with his/her loved one. Setting up the baby/house/pet-sitter in advance is a must.

Time together doesn't have to be an expensive cruise. The nicest hotel in town and a day trip to a local point of interest will more than suffice. Handmade coupons redeemed for a monthly meal out are nice, too (again, make sure the babysitter is scheduled and paid). Giving anything to this person that results in less time together is the fastest track to cold-shoulderville.

A "Receiving Gifts" person is often thought to be the most selfish of the languages, but this is just not true. The person who loves and is loved by gifts is easily — and most effectively — pleased with many things homemade. It does have to be of quality, so no papier mache! If you know how to use those power tools, get crackin'.

This person wants to know you thought of them and their interests while you were shopping or making their present. Giving a wrong or thoughtless gift to this person is like slapping them in the face.

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Article Author: Diana Hartman

Diana Hartman is a (ret.) USMC spouse, mother of three in college and a Wichita, Kansas native. She is a contributing writer to Holiday Writes and can be found on Twitter.

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