Attention drivers: your turn signal does not entitle you to change lanes. It is for warning only. Should a driver whose lane you are attempting to enter not heed your desire, your turn signal does not automatically justify you shoving your car between two others who are unprepared for your injection into their lane.
Also, please note that turning on your signal at the exact moment you change lanes does not count. If your method of changing lanes goes something like the following, you need to re-evaluate your lane changing method:
lane change desire manifests itself>
look for openings in between cars>
there are none>
grip steering wheel>
pray>
and . . . SIGNAL|LANE CHANGE!
In other words, if your signal blinks, like, ONE time between the time you decide to change lanes and the actual event of changing lanes, you, sir, are a bastard.
(This is the first in a series of helpful, common sense tips that will improve not only your life, but the lives of others around you. Can't get enough? I don't blame you! There's always more helpful, common sense items at unproductivity.)
Article comments
— go to most recent comments1 - The Theory
my pet peeve is people who don't check their blind spots before changing lanes.
PEOPLE WHO DONT REALIZE THEY CAN'T SEE PEOPLE NEXT TO THEM IN THEIR SIDE-VIEW MIRROR DON'T DESERVE TO HAVE A DRIVER'S LICENCE, MUCH LESS DRIVE.
I've almost lost my life several times when people do that to me.
2 - Mark Saleski
in the boston area a turn signal (if used at all) does not mean "i would like to change lanes"...it means "i am changing langes"
scary.
3 - JR
Sometimes a turn signal means, "I once changed lanes."
4 - Tom Johnson
My favorite - the unending turn-signal, what one friend named "a left/right turn around the world" and "the perpetual left/right turn."
5 - Chris Arabia
i was trying to get on the SE XPWY one time and this guy in a pickup sped up and boxed me out at the last second. traffic was VERY snarled, so i (immaturely, to be sure) rode alongside the car in front of him and inserted myself when he stopped and the pile then moved. he chased me and then lost control of his car trying to scare me as he cut me off as he exited.
at least he didnt zoom into a rotary without looking...
6 - duane
In the SF Bay Area, a turn signal means that the driver inadvertantly flipped on his blinker 15 minutes ago, then forgot, and can't hear it because of all the noise coming out of the cell phone glued to his ear, and will definitely NOT be changing lanes. Also, it has become a common practice to swerve across several freeway lanes in one go. Drivers executing said maneuver believe that they get points for style by minimizing the distance between their front bumper and the rear bumper of the car behind whom they are crossing the lane. This is done so that the several-lane change can be accompanied by constant acceleration. This move is never accompanied by a turn signal, and I'm guessing that if you could say to them, "Hey, fucknuckle! Don't you know that you're supposed to use your turn indicators when you change lanes?!" they would say, "Hey, Jackoff, I was changing three lanes!"
7 - Tom Johnson
"Fucknuckle." I may have to borrow that.
8 - Mark Saleski
i agree. "fucknuckle" almost beats "assplow".
not quite tho...
9 - Hazy Dave
And, please, do your part by letting the person who IS using their turn signal get in front of you. I bet a lot of people don't put on their turn signal before changing lanes because of experience with the ubiquitous "You're not getting in front of ME" attitude.
10 - visualsimplicity
Exactly Hazy. That's how I feel. Most people who think you're a bastard for signaling just before changing lanes are probably the same people who wouldn't let you in anyway even if you did signal before hands.
11 - Cecilia
Let us not forget those drivers with no concept whatsoever of something known as "physical reality". It is frightening to consider how many people out there are in control (at least in their opinion) of thousands of pounds of steel, glass and explosive fuel.
Some people think their vehicles magically bend when they turn corners "Oops--hit another pedestrian on a corner! Shouldn't stand so close to the street!"...those who believe their vehicles are capable of fitting in places they can't, and have no clue as to what "braking distance" means.
There are also drivers who assume everyone can see them because they have never considered the existence of this little trivial annoyance known as a "blind spot". Hence, they believe that if they don't see it, it ain't there, but their vehicles have sirens and beacons! Yeah!
Too many drivers careen and weave through traffic as if wherever they are going is far more important than the lives they endanger....wowee, another guy beat me to the red light! What an accomplishment!
My (hopefully) final gripe is has to do with Parking Lot Morons, a subspecies which includes goombahs who park 1963 Chrysler Imperials in Compact spaces. Or how about the lazy slobs who will hem and haw impatiently as I try to load up my car with groceries--and then zoom into that space the nanosecond I pull out...because it's ten feet closer to the frickin' supermarket!
Last but not least is the PLM who takes first prize in my esteemed roster: an insufferably arrogant shithead in a Corvette convertible who thought he (and his car) were so special that he parked the damned thing cross-wise, thus occupying two and a half spaces. Grrrr...it makes me want to grab a bunch of toothpicks and break them off in the door locks!
Whew.
That feels better....
...at least until I think of something else to rag about...
....like pedestrians wearing black who jaywalk (or run) across busy highways and think it's A-OK since "pedestrians always have the right of way"...
Uh-oh, here it comes!
12 - Tom Johnson
I always let the people who have legitimately attempted to use their signal in - it's common courtesy. What's not fair is zooming up a long line of traffic and then jumping in front of everyone. Not cool. Not cool at all.
Also not cool are the asswads who just have to get in front you because their lane is slow, but there isn't a car behind you for many hundreds of feet. Wouldn't it make sense to slow down just a little and get behind the last driver, rather than wedge yourself in between the last two? No one gets pissed off when you join in at the end of the line. I think it's a power thing - it makes these tiny brained, tiny penised Neandertals feel superior, even if it's in a completely meaningless, stupid way.
13 - JR
"Last but not least is the PLM who takes first prize in my esteemed roster: an insufferably arrogant shithead in a Corvette convertible who thought he (and his car) were so special that he parked the damned thing cross-wise, thus occupying two and a half spaces. Grrrr...it makes me want to grab a bunch of toothpicks and break them off in the door locks!"
Hey, there's an idea! I thought it would be funny if someone lets the air out of their tires. Of course I'm not encouraging anybody to do things like that...
14 - Mark Saleski
favorite rotten driver/revenge story:
a long time ago i had a subscription to The Runner magazine.
there was a story in it from this guy who got harrassed while on a run in the middle of a big city (mighta been ny)...i guess the runner was crossing somewhere (legally) and the car guy didn't see him...and almost hit him.
the car guy, even though at fault, rolls his window down and give the runner the what-for....you stupid asshole, etc.
so, about two blocks down the road the car guy is stoppped at a light...basically penned in four lanes wide and about ten lines back from the light.
the runner see's him...runs through the traffic, onto the trunk of the car...up onto the roof...and then takes a nice jump down onto the hood...putin' a nice big 'ole dent in it...
he then runs off in the opposite direction.
man, sometimes revenge can be so sweet.
15 - Cecilia
Years ago I had to sometimes park on the street due to a crowded lot where I lived. One night some buttmunch parked right up against my car so that I could not get away from the curb in the morning. This person left his/her driver's side door unlocked. There were no cars in front of his/hers. It was a little sports-type car, about the size of a Triumph. My friend popped the car out of gear and moved it so that I could drive to work. My friend wasn't content to just move the other vehicle a few feet--he rolled it more than halfway down the block and then parked it. I soooo wished I could have seen this person scratching his/her head, wondering where the hell the car went and then spotting it several hundred feet from where it was originally. I still smile when I think of it. The moral of the story: if you're going to park like a dumbass, don't leave your car unlocked.
16 - visualsimplicity
I think everyone is a jackass when it comes to driving (including your's truly) simply because we all believe the world should revolve around us. You know, shouldn't everyone accommodate my driving no matter what I do?
17 - Mark Saleski
there was an interesting stat in that book about suv's (High & Mighty)....it was something like 80 percent of drivers think that they drive better than everybody else.
...which of course isn't possible.
18 - Eric Olsen
As cited, this is an offense against God and man, but what about those who don't even bother with the signal? You have to watch their tires for indications of intention. People who do not signal make me want to tie their necks around the steering wheel, turn on their blinker and leave it clicking for eternity (or until the battery runs out). I wish every manner of plague upon the non-signalers.
"Fucknuckle" is classic, clearly as good as "assplow." They are quite similar in their obliquity, their multiple possible interpretations, their satisfying ring. I also like the insouciant dropping of the repeated "k."
19 - Cap'n Ken
Using a turn signal is illegal here in Atlanta.
20 - Taloran
If one indicates one's intention and desire to change lanes by using a blinker here in Denver, it is very nearly guaranteed that someone will deliberately place their vehicle in such a position that the desired lane change becomes impossible. That is, unless the vehicle changing lanes meets the criteria of the garbage truck theorem.
The garbage truck theorem is that people will always get in front of, cut off, or otherwise be discourteous to people driving shiny, small, new vehicles, but will never do the same to people driving large, rusty, great big vehicles that have been in a wreck or three. I believe it is somewhat due to whatever is left of the survival instinct. If someone is driving a brand new Lexus, chances are he doesn't want to scratch, dent, or wreck it, and therefore you can cut him off with impunity. However, if someone is driving a 1985 F350 with a gun rack and rollcage, that's had its headlights blown out and front bumper mangled, chances are he really doesn't care if he smashes your car to smithereens, so you yield to him.
Toothpicks in the doorlock is a great idea. So is carrying around a tube of Krazy Glue and a pocket full of nickels.
21 - The Theory
i like Taloran's Garbage Truck Theorem... classic.
22 - Tom Johnson
So is carrying around a tube of Krazy Glue and a pocket full of nickels.
That, my man, is brilliant. Mean as hell, but brilliant nonetheless.
23 - Tom Johnson
So it appears that something else is coming to light here: traffic behavior can be likened to survival techniques in the wild. It's also becoming obvious that the reaction to turn signals (both by drivers seeking asylum in a new lane and drivers already in that lane) stems not just from being selfish but out of primal necessity - getting in front of a driver means you're on top of the heirarchy, and other drivers will respond with aggressive means to keep you from assuming that position.
Fascinating - scientists should jump on this for some very cool, legitimate research.
24 - Taloran
Expanding on Tom's comment 23, I believe that there are drivers with a predator mentality, and drivers with a prey mentality. Twenty years ago prey was plentiful, but formerly meek drivers are now soccer moms who bomb around in their SUVs, five minutes late and aggressive as hell wherever they go. This is a corollary to the garbage truck theorem - soccer mom SUVs are generally not wrecks, but they're big enough that you yield to them. Other formerly meek drivers have had to develop aggressiveness in order to survive (by survive I mean it both literally, and getting anywhere in an increasingly impolite society of drivers).
Prey is now scarce, and the predators are nipping and snarling at each other on the nation's highways.
In addition to plentiful predators and progressively less plentiful prey, there are also the brightly-colored poison frogs of the transportation infrastructure, people who drive so badly that you immediately turn off on a side route, just so you're not one of the smoking wrecks they leave in their wake. You know the ones - 35 on the interstate, 75 through a school zone, blinker on the whole way, cell phone glued to their ear, reading the paper, backing up on the highway when they overshoot their exit, etc. etc.
25 - Taloran
In response to Capn Ken, comment 19 -
I travel to Atlanta four or five times a year on business, for three to five days each time, renting a car at the airport. And I must say that drivers in Atlanta are infinitely better than those in Denver. More courteous, more aware of their surroundings, more likely to signal properly, more likely to yield... Atlanta's roads and highways may be very busy, but I'd take Atlanta traffic over Denver traffic any day.