People often ask why I didn't take money from my folks in the UK to get us back to India and spare us the ordeal. Stubbornness? Perhaps. It's like those piles of discarded old clothes and food packets. Ingratitude? Perhaps. Though I'd prefer another word for it. A word which sums up the only thing you have to lose after you've lost everything else, the last refuge of the refugee: Pride.
My own father experienced the horrors of Partition in the time of Indian Independence. He related many a tale of the refugee camps, housing millions of dispossessed refugees, lives changed forever, economically, and in their hearts. He, as did most others, retained his sense of pride - coming up the hard way, and leading a full, healthy life in the new land - he never forgot the succor provided by those who cared.
I, myself, remember a terrible train accident that befell a train I was on with my parents. We survived, though many others did not. We followed a weary line of survivors to a small town in the middle of nowhere, Kagaznagar, where we were received by townspeople and given warm food and human support. The town's only industralist, a paper manufacturer housed many of us in his own residence for the night, until other travel arrangements could be made.
Every tragedy, small or large, brings out the best in humans, for the most part, and changes us. The Tsunami disaster has demonstrated this essence of humanity, with millions of people reaching out to help people half a world away.
Article comments
1 - RJ
The Indonesian government is acting foolishly, IMO, with regards to booting out foreign aid workers in March.
These people obviously need the help, and are mostly glad to receive it. But there are politics at play here. And people will suffer because of it...
2 - DrPat
It's an insightful post, and thank you for sharing it, Aaman. As donors, sometimes the act of giving is the point. It is not whether or not we "gave enough", but that we did reach out to help.
It is not necessary (although it may be puzzling) that the recipients accept with gratitude everything we send. And Suraiya's comments do a lot to explain why they may not.
3 - Dave Nalle
Frankly, when I donate clothing I'm just happy to see it gone from the closet and off to somwhere it might be welcome. I don't worry too much about what will be done with it and assume the charity will sell it for rag paper if that's the best way to put it to use. The profit for me is getting rid of the stuff without having to worry about what's done with it.
As for taking money from relatives, I wonder if that's a cultural issue. If I were in the circumstance Aaman describes I'd take the money from my relatives. That's what family is for. If I had relatives in similar straits I wouldn't hesitate to give them the needed money either. That's what relatives do. It's the essence of family values. I suppose I would expect to be paid back eventually and would certainly pay back any relatives who bailed me out like that, but I wouldn't feel huge guilt over the situation either way.
Dave
4 - Aaman
Pride is an element particular to some. Incidentally, those are not my words in the blockquote, but Jug Suraiya's, in case there was any confusion on this point.
5 - DrPat
Dave, I know exactly what you mean! Sometimes, giving solves more problems than getting does.
After all the hype and poison of the US election contest, what a relief to have a genuine reason to agonize, sympathize and cheer heroics! (And, no, I don't mean I'm glad the tsunami happened, just glad to he subject changed.)
6 - Eric Olsen
excellent post Aaman, lighting the situation from a different angle - very glad you and your family survived the crash!
I would have no problem borrowing or lending to relatives either - much better that than throwing myself on the mercy of the government!
7 - spiderleaf
Aaman, wonderful post.
I agree that pride is a strong emotion. People don't want to feel as if they can't take care of themselves although I don't quite understand the rationale behind not accepting a loan from relatives in England when the Arab/Isreali war was not this gents fault... would seem to be a lot better than going hungry in the streets of a foreign country... but then again, my grandparents refused to accept help from relatives after WWII and they certainly didn't start that conflict either.
Thanks for the links as well.
8 - Aaman
What if your dog has too much pride to accept a gift?