We didn't have the money to get back to London, and RBI regulations wouldn't let our family in India buy our tickets and get us back home: Indians travelling to India from abroad had to pay in foreign exchange. I refused to accept a loan from my relatives in Britain; I'd got into this mess on my own and I'd get out on my own. We were stranded in Germany, then the most expensive country in the world, waiting for the Syrians to get airborne again. Funds running out, we'd scavenge through supermarkets for reject-quality chocolates, the cheapest food we could find. While Bunny slept, I'd open a packet to show I'd eaten, and when she woke give her both our shares. I fantasised about stealing food from the bursting supermarkets. Nothing fancy, a loaf of bread would do. It wasn't morality that stopped me, it was fear of being caught. I learnt that respect for the law is in direct proportion to how much - or little - we have in our pockets, or in our bellies.
On a Munich street a woman selling toffee apples, discarding those not perfectly coated with caramel into a refuse bin, saw Bunny's hungry eyes and offered her an apple she was about to throw away. Bunny shook her head, gestured she had no money. The woman sign-languaged back: Bitte, please, take it; it'll just go waste. Bunny looked at the woman, at the apple, back at the woman. Then she reached out and accepted the gift. Both had to know that the apple had not been begged for; it had been given freely, and as freely accepted. That was important, more important than the hunger.
Finally, we had officially to declare ourselves ‘destitute ... and throw ourselves upon the mercy of the President of India' in the Indian consulate. Our passports were defaced, as per law, in our presence, and we were repatriated to India at government expense. When we got home to Calcutta (where it took me six months of babu-badgering to locate the bureaucrat who'd accept my reimbursement to the government which would allow me to get new passports for us) I discovered that in three weeks of hunger I'd lost 6 kg, Bunny had lost 8.
Article comments
1 - RJ
The Indonesian government is acting foolishly, IMO, with regards to booting out foreign aid workers in March.
These people obviously need the help, and are mostly glad to receive it. But there are politics at play here. And people will suffer because of it...
2 - DrPat
It's an insightful post, and thank you for sharing it, Aaman. As donors, sometimes the act of giving is the point. It is not whether or not we "gave enough", but that we did reach out to help.
It is not necessary (although it may be puzzling) that the recipients accept with gratitude everything we send. And Suraiya's comments do a lot to explain why they may not.
3 - Dave Nalle
Frankly, when I donate clothing I'm just happy to see it gone from the closet and off to somwhere it might be welcome. I don't worry too much about what will be done with it and assume the charity will sell it for rag paper if that's the best way to put it to use. The profit for me is getting rid of the stuff without having to worry about what's done with it.
As for taking money from relatives, I wonder if that's a cultural issue. If I were in the circumstance Aaman describes I'd take the money from my relatives. That's what family is for. If I had relatives in similar straits I wouldn't hesitate to give them the needed money either. That's what relatives do. It's the essence of family values. I suppose I would expect to be paid back eventually and would certainly pay back any relatives who bailed me out like that, but I wouldn't feel huge guilt over the situation either way.
Dave
4 - Aaman
Pride is an element particular to some. Incidentally, those are not my words in the blockquote, but Jug Suraiya's, in case there was any confusion on this point.
5 - DrPat
Dave, I know exactly what you mean! Sometimes, giving solves more problems than getting does.
After all the hype and poison of the US election contest, what a relief to have a genuine reason to agonize, sympathize and cheer heroics! (And, no, I don't mean I'm glad the tsunami happened, just glad to he subject changed.)
6 - Eric Olsen
excellent post Aaman, lighting the situation from a different angle - very glad you and your family survived the crash!
I would have no problem borrowing or lending to relatives either - much better that than throwing myself on the mercy of the government!
7 - spiderleaf
Aaman, wonderful post.
I agree that pride is a strong emotion. People don't want to feel as if they can't take care of themselves although I don't quite understand the rationale behind not accepting a loan from relatives in England when the Arab/Isreali war was not this gents fault... would seem to be a lot better than going hungry in the streets of a foreign country... but then again, my grandparents refused to accept help from relatives after WWII and they certainly didn't start that conflict either.
Thanks for the links as well.
8 - Aaman
What if your dog has too much pride to accept a gift?