Couple days later, I got the news.
"That fella" The Priest said, "Y'know the one, fucker with the boil on his arse turned out to be Ann Coulter?"
It didn't ring a very many bells.
"Y'know, had his arse removed and replaced with Bill O'Reilly's?"
Oh yeah. Whatever happened to him?
"Cut his arm last night, bled to the very fuckin' death."
But how? Hells fire, a fella could cut any number of limbs, all he needs to do is tell somebody and get it stitched up all lovely-like.
"Well that's it, he didn't tell a soul. Folks would be sayin, Oi, you're bleedin out your bicep, he just shouted at them to shut the fuck up and about how he'd boot them in the fuck-pouch should they break another slanderous breath."
It turned out a similar fate was awaiting Jeff Fahey after that new arm got all settled in.
From a medical text book of some kind;
"Fahey slowly took on the characteristics of the donor of said limb, in this case a murderous madman done gone killed folks left and right. When transplanting limbs, willies or arseholes, be sure the personality of the donor is compatible with the recipient, otherwise no end of hilarious, possibly quite graphic, foibles may result."
We shed a tear for our fallen comrade, aye, and then another couple tears for the vipers so wastefully wasted in pursuit of a Coulter-less hole.
Thanks folks
Article comments
1 - Aaron Fleming
Hahahaha! What a brilliant tale! Best short story I've read since that thing about the man in the clock that was in the big hole or something.
2 - Steve C.
Oh my God dude that was so awesome. Well done, good sir.
3 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
heh, glad you liked it, fellas. hopefully i can raise consciousness about the issue, that far-right bum-growths the world over might be spied soon enough to be removed with little or no damage to the afflicted (i.e, Belfast, Florida, Birmingham etc)
4 - Mark Saleski
THAT...was brilliant. for a second there, i thought the story was going down the track of the film ¨How To Succeed In Advertising". gawd, now that woulda been ugly!
5 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
Thank you Sir Saleski. Interestingly enough, a sunday newspaper was giving away a free copy of How To Get Ahead... on DVD last week. i forgot to buy the damn paper.
In my memory, it stands up proud as a sorely underrated flick, if no Withnail And I. maybe the reality is somewhat different.
6 - DJRadiohead
Duke, be assured I am going to read this fine piece of Mind Wax directly and have comments for you upon completion. I mostly felt compelled to comment on your shirt.
Done.
7 - Aaron, Duke De Mondo
DJ, i look forward to your thoughts. As to the shirt... if you wanna borrow it, like, i'm more than happy to accomodate... heh.
8 - DJRadiohead
Duke, my apologies for not getting back to this sooner.
"Fuck-flaps." That gets added to the list without question.
You have outdone yourself again. Can't wait for V3 to arrive.