Originally appeared in FrontPage Magazine.
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Satire: The Vicious German-Polish Conflict
By Chris Arabia
FrontPageMagazine.com | September 26, 2003
WARSAW--A Volkswagen delivery bus explosion yesterday destroyed its cargo of 20 crates of premium Kielbasa in the latest round of understandable German reaction to Poland’s audacious attempts to preserve its illegal, oppressive, and probably petroleum-motivated occupation of German lands.
“We demand that the occupied territories of the East Bank of the Oder-Niesse and the East Prussia Strip that were taken by force be restored to the Federal Republic of Germany,” said a man who phoned in a claim of responsibility for the attack. The man claimed to represent the Alles-Aachen Martyrs Brigades, a coalition of German activists and freedom fighters.
According to the group’s website, the Brigades formed after a Polish EU liaison who stopped in Aachen for lunch last year insisted on Kielbasa instead of Bratwurst to fill his Frankfurt-style sandwich. “Bratwurst is Germany’s third most sacred delicacy, and this Pole’s hotdog was an insult added to the injury of sub-humans—I mean Slavs—occupation of our homeland.”
A spokesman for the German Authority, the shadow government in the occupied East Bank and East Prussia Strip, held an impromptu press conference and declared, “We hereby tepidly and with many winks condemn this attack, which if it was in any way wrong was the fault of the dirty, stinking Poles and their oppressive policies.”
Throughout the Western world, the German activists have acquired a panache fueled by the neo-multicultural perspective on modern history held by millions of college-educated activists.
“The Poles are pretty clearly the historical aggressors in the Middle Europe,” asserted Prell, a 29-year-old protestor from Fresno who last year capped a remarkable 10 year undergraduate run by collecting a B.A. in some social science he can’t remember. “For the 58 days that I have been closely following this crisis, the Poles have been in the position of occupying force.”
Article comments
1 - jonesie
give poland a break.
2 - David Mamet
This is a satire? I thought these things really happened.
3 - Eric Olsen
Thanks for checking in Dave, your post is a few doors over though.
Nice satire Chris! I am now in a better mood.
4 - Eric Olsen
Oh and Dave, there's a Smug Prick party going on over at the Leaky Voting Machine post. Check it out!
5 - Chris Arabia
No worries, Eric. As mentioned elsewhere, I have enjoyed the Smug Prick Interlude.
Smug Pricks Forever!