Today, in a shocking twist of fate, Scott Peterson discovered that he had murdered Terri Schiavo, leaving Laci Peterson in a brain-dead coma. Peterson is now taking legal action to have his sentence reversed, on the basis that all the legal documents have the wrong name on them.
"I am just outraged at the enormous injustice the U.S. legal system has done me," said Peterson, "I deserve a fair trial, and I cannot receive one when everyone assume that I murdered someone named 'Peterson' rather than 'Schiavo'."
O.J. Simpson was on hand to comfort Peterson in his mistaken identity plight.
"You know, man, you could get another trial based on this. I would offer you the legal team that got me off, man, but that would cost me money."
Instead Simpson gave Peterson a self-published volume titled 'The Poetry of the O.J. Simpson Trial.' The book was very short, containing only the phrase "If the glove does not fit, you must acquit." Simpson emphasized to Peterson the transformational power of poetry. Peterson ground his teeth and stared at his feet. Peterson later claimed to be inspired, though, and shared some of his poetry with the A.P.
I look like Ben AffleckI was in Paris, really I was.
Isn't it a nice day
No
Peterson's lawyer expressed confidence that Peterson's poetry would connect with jurors.
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The parents of Laci Peterson were upset not only by the revelation that their daughter had been in a hospice in Florida, but that the grand-child that they lost was none other than Elian Gonzalez, now living in Cuba. Fidel Castro had been raising Gonzalez in an abandoned Cuban resort.
"Here we were thinking that our grand-child had been murdered when in fact he is a teenaged Cuban boy whose mother has been brain-dead since before his birth!" said Peterson's mother.
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