For instance, I have been asked if my “thingy works”. Yes, we are talking about my private region. Of course, after I ran the person over in my wheelchair (I am kidding!), I asked if their thingy worked, as well. A better way to ask would be, 'What are your limitations?' Can you have a normal, healthy sex life?
Of course, I am not sure why most people care about this, but it seems to be a major question I get asked. Answers are going to vary based on why the person is in a wheelchair. A person with a spinal injury may not be able to feel beneath their waist so their answer is going to differ from someone such as myself who has complete sensation everywhere.
Other stupid questions I have been asked in the past are:
So crippled, what happened? (My reply: I could ask the same of you.)
I am touching your leg. Can you feel it? (My reply: Do I know you?)
You cannot stand up or walk, can you? (My reply: No, I am just riding around in the wheelchair for shits and giggles.)
I am sure you understand my point. Ask questions, but think before you ask them. Imagine how you would feel if you were in the shoes of the disabled person. Would you be offended if you were asked those questions? If you would be offended, then do not ask them!
Step #2 – Try to see past the disability. Ultimately, people with disabilities can make excellent friends. Ask about their interests. What do they like to do in their free time? If you would ask these things of your able-bodied friends then do not hesitate to ask the same of your disabled friends. Their answers might surprise you.
Try to include them when you go out with your other friends. I know transportation can sometimes be an issue, but just being asked to hang out is one of the best feelings. A lot of people assume you do not get out much. Truth be told, in college, I was quite the party animal. I was lucky to get in from the clubs at 4 am with my friends!
Step #3 – Educate others around you. If you hear someone being discriminatory, point it out. Do not be afraid to tell them how they sound. In truth, many people do not realize they are being discriminatory until it is pointed out to them. The more we spread the knowledge of discrimination and intolerance the better chance the entire disabled community has of being understood and accepted.
Article comments
1 - Pekky Marquez
I am about to do an Internship in a Protection and Advocacy agency, and I want to thank you for this, for I find it trully inspiring and a guideline for me as well as for explaining others about the self-determination and "normal" (what is normal and who determines it anyway?) life of people with disabilities.
I have been interested a lot on what people have to say about self-determination, which is why I thank you for your article. Trully human. :)
Peace!
Pekky
2 - Snarkattack
Bloody inspiring, your article - thank you for sharing. I would do well to remember your situation next time I start complaining about my own (less severe) affliction. It sounds like you have achieved loads more than some of your healthier peers.
I'm with you on the education of others - that is one of the reasons that I'm open about my sickness. It's a bit different in that it's psychological but on occasion people do ask me some stupid things, or I might have to explain why going out in public isn't an option at certain times. Thank goodness for understanding friends and family.
3 - diana hartman
I am pleased to tell you this article is being featured in the Culture Focus today, August 15.
Diana Hartman
Culture Editor
4 - Dominick Evans
Thank you all for your kind words and for featuring this article. I feel it is incredibly important to helping to combat discrimination and facilitating understanding and discussion.
I am working on the second installment of this series so expect it to be available soon!