Mistress of all media and street skank Paris Hilton has done the unimaginable: she has cast Lindsay Lohan in the role of sympathetic victim.
How? Paris's adventures began over Mother's Day weekend. In true wealth-wasted-on-the-wealthy style, Paris spent thousands of dollars on Christian Dior goods for her mother that ended up being stolen form the front gates of the palatial Hilton estate by a now rather stylish thief.
Poor Paris!
Paris, not content to bask in her martyrdom, instead took this special time in the spotlight to cast her vacant bitchy gaze upon little Lindsay Lohan.
It's not what she said of course: that deed was left to her perspiring, slovenly, drunken pal and fellow heir to millions, Brandon Davis. But the juvenile twittering, prodding, and egging on she offered Davis makes her equally culpable for the offense. Clearly one can't prevent a hairy primate from flinging feces, but twittering in uproarious approval when he does so might be called "instigation."
How It All Began
Over the weekend, Lindsay and Paris were both partying at the Hollywood club, Hyde, when Lohan, once again making a poor choice, approached Paris and crew for a chipper chat. This resulted in a flash of nails and lips, with Paris hissing malignant disdain for Lohan.
Why the rift? Circulating rumor is that Paris was upset due to one of the following reasons: Lohan's affiliations with several of Hilton’s ex-boyfriends; Lohan using Hilton’s name to draw attention; or, Lohan breathing the same air as the heiress - all vicious affronts to be sure.
What Happened Next
Clearly, such affronts must be met with overwhelming force - on tape.
In a videotape more grotesque than One Night In Paris, Hilton and her posse are captured for posterity generating a cacophonous haze of bile directed at Lohan; the worst of which dribble from of the outhouse mouth of troll Davis, as he enthusiastically assigns various unflattering appellations to Lohan and her genitalia.
Davis—known only for inheriting oil money, schlepping with celebs, and dating Mischa Barton—gets zero creativity and style points in his slurred rant. His assault on the ears and common decency is repetitive, uninspired—and in my writerly opinion—features overly liberal reliance on the word "firecrotch."
I'm not sure if this usage is in reference to the supposed hue or temperature of young Lindsay's mentioned body part.
"She has the stinkiest, sweatiest, orange [bleeped on tape] anyone has ever seen; she wants me to see it, but it sh*ts out freckles; it's orange and it smells like diarrhea, so [bleeped] off," he brays.
Article comments
— go to most recent comments1 - Ruvy in Jerusalem
Dawn,
Eight words:
Trash with money equals money in the trash.
2 - Eric Olsen
I like the "$7 million - pathetic" line. That gives some perspective
3 - Dawn
I can't argue that logic Ruvy. And yes, it would seem to say a lot about a person's priorities and perspective to look down at someone worth $7 million.
Although I am sure she's worth more. I think she gets like 4 million a movie. I am sure she's worth a paltry $14 million. Disgusting alright, but for a whole other reason.
4 - Matthew T. Sussman
Paris + Lohan - $$$ = Best episode of C.O.P.S.
5 - Eric Olsen
they are enabled by cushy cash, aren't they?
6 - daisy
paris is nothing but trash so is he she was all laughing when he was saying those things when in fact every one has seen that bitches croth she is fucking dusgusting stupid whore sorry lindsay makes her on money and dosen't get from her parents
7 - Dawn
Yeah Daisy, Lilo actually gives her parents cash. Imagine!
Paris is quite the high society gal isn't she? All prim, proper and demure. What a gem.
8 - Eric Olsen
right on Daisy, totally agree
9 - Mr. Real Estate
When you're spoiled you lose a wealth of your scruples. It's pretty sad, really.
Or are they just acting this way because they know it will create attention that generates more wealth?
And if so, which is actually sadder?
10 - Rodney Welch
It's only a matter of time before we're all reading the bloody obituary of Paris Hilton. Her friends, her lifestyle, her money -- I think it will all wind up putting her in an early grave. Just watching her peel out into the traffic at the end of that tape, I found myself thinking: "That girl is just looking for a lightpole to drive into."
11 - Eric Olsen
good point Rodney, you're probably right
12 - parisurnasty
Paris has alot of nerve to be laughing at someone else it takes a very insecure and pothetic person to laugh at such garbage, oh wait she is garbage and for her to get out of her $150,000.00 car with he legs spread wide open with no panties on sure is telling every one im open 24/7!!!, she's nasty and really has no room to laugh at anyone.
13 - Eric Olsen
word - panties rule
14 - Dawn
Yeah, and gets pretty drafty too.
15 - cookie morales
oh yeah they also made fun of her album or movie that tanked...but whatever.
I think there both trashy.....especially paris hilton..everytime i hear the word "crabs" she comes first to mind....and than those bastards say that shes poor....well lindsay started from nothing and build her own empire....unlike those two laszy asses which just inheirted there money and use there name to sucker losers to give them even more money
16 - RKO
Okay where do,I start I disagree,I love Paris and everyone is just jealous of the poor girl.And Davis was right on with what he said and all you Paris haters STFU.Lohan is a whore.
17 - Mark Bellinghaus
OMG! Was I just just day dreaming or are those words really there?
A cat fight par excellence--Dawn, that was the insight of a cat fight made in my fantasy heaven!
Wow. Too bad I was that night in a different club. I would have given everything.
Too bad taht this rich loser Davis is insulting our Lindsay, by saying ugly things like:
"She has the stinkiest, sweatiest, orange [bleeped on tape] anyone has ever seen; she wants me to see it, but it sh*ts out freckles; it's orange and it smells like diarrhea, so [bleeped] off," he brays.
Fast-forward through several more "firecrotches," "orange/red" vaginal references, incoherent babbling and icky behavior, and the frenzied verbal abuse reaches its crescendo about Lindsay's wealth, or lack thereof: "I think she's worth about seven million [dollars], which means she's really poor. It's disgusting. She lives in a motel, in New York."
Davis has one final comment on the subject of Lohan: "She is a firecrotch, with freckles coming out of her vagina, and a clitoris that is seven feet long."
In my opinion that "gentleman" must simply have a pencil dick if he is talking about a seven feet long clit. That is record size and I am wondering how Poor Lindsay can schlepp that moster around town and her favorite restaurant the "Ivy" without her body part of such length. That loser guy is jealous obvious, cause his 3 inch joke must iritate even the Hilton Bi*** who was spoiled before by a greek Paris Penis!
So obviously Paris is getting angry, frustrated and boared and she is thinking of her well hung former bf's. Naturally.
It is just a question of time when she is giving that shameful excuse of a wealthy freak is giving the Gucci-BOOTS, and kicks him out of one of her HILTON-SUITES!
Here is for all of you who love the cool Kamikaze driver Lindsay so much more than that annoying crap-face Paris a photo link to a pic and one big idol of Lidsay girl: Marilyn Monroe & Lindsay and fan.
To compare Lindsay to that same hair doe wearing trailer chick PH, is not like comparing apples to oranges--it is more like comparing apples(Lindsay) with rotten prunes(Paris).
We love you and we suppport you Lindsay. And we love REDS anyhow--blondes too, but only if they are pretty and have class or if they have innitials like MM or LL!
Got it "PH" (Penis Hooker)
Link to Lindsay & Marilyn & Fan
18 - Mark Bellinghaus
Don't worry Lindsay! That lolly pop(besisdes other crap) licking bimbo with money is going to be forgotten soon and she will throw out all her mirrows at home, as her inner uglyness will turn inside out (more than it did already) and the premature aging--her most faithful fan will kick in and a new STD will be named after her: Hiltonits will be a disease that will make you look like a monkey that was bleached and thrown into tank of fierce acid.
Wrinkleities is the other reason for Paris to have fled just there--Paris, France--where people simply give a shit about this narcistic joke.
19 - Mark Bellinghaus
Oh and: compared to PH--LL can act.
20 - miss A.
davis is the product of a wealthy drunken fumble i bet his father wishes he pulled on himself that night instead of throwing diamonds at his wife to get a shag.at least lohan has made her own cash and has some talent,takes no s$#@ and was no.3 in the maxim hot 100-jealous paris?not so hot at no.39 and isn't it a well known fact paris is the hollywood second hand dartboard,instead of trying to buy herself celebrity status she should go for a little "feminine tightening" surgery and a new ass would certainly be the smartest thing she could spend that cash on-for a young woman she has the ugliest 65yr old ass i've ever seen,almost as ugly as her personality or lack of.davis and hilton should get together they're both a pair of scumbags proving yet again money doesn't buy class.
21 - Mark Bellinghaus
right on miss A. and I bet that Paris had to "shag" 5 of the judges to even make it to # 39 lol Two of them were chicks--buy hey--what do we do for fame, right?!
You are killing me with your comment and may I add that if she is annoying us with more annoying us all attempts to even try to act--she should for god's sake at least appear in a freaking acting class. She can bring her sold platinum phone, I-pod and Emergency Bottox needles, but she will be the youngest old ass as you say and the oldest news in Hollywood soon. Can we just move on and look if there are some other Hotels with some strange behaving kids, like the Ramada family for example or how about the Sheraton's...? Are they blond and super-dumb too?!
22 - lll
what r u on about RKO
lindsay lohan is not a whore, she is 19 for gods sake give her a break, i am with lindsay on this one she has worked hard for everything she has got i think paris is a jumped up t*t with absolutley no talent what so ever.
and i would like to add lindsay lohan is amazing and her hair is almost as beautiful as she is
23 - Glen Boyd
These are all basically pseudo-celebs without a single thread of actual talent.
We really have arrived at the ultimate Andy Warhol moment in 2006, where everybody gets their 15 miniutes to be famous for no other reason than being famous.
Paris Hilton? Hot? Give me a freaking break, the girl is flat as a board and has no ass whatsoever. At least Lindsay Lohan has demonstrated some acting ability.
But I'll tell ya what? Somebody like Naomi Watts? Now that's 100% guaranteed all woman.
Spekaing of 100% all woman...whatever happened to Gillian Anderson? Nice red hair with brains to match. Now that's what I'm talking about!
-Glen
24 - Ciara S
Paris Hilton is an evil no talent skank bitch with size 11 feet. And Brandon Davis needs to back off on the burgers, go to rehab, take a damn shower, and get a job. I'm sure Brandon's relatives must be oh so proud of him. If Lohan is "fire crotch" Paris is ROTTEN CROTCH.
25 - Mark Bellinghaus
Hi Glen! you're back--though you had to travel--is it raining over there, too?
You gotta admit that the word "firecrotch" instantly give you reflexes to start running, right?! lol
We passed that Andy Warhol moment a long time ago, buddy! These days they are getting up to two years, no--not in jail but on TV!
As freakier you look the better. Have you ever seen the "cat-woman" that Wildenstein ex-wife? She is where Angelina is heading.
No more musle to move in your face--and plastic surgery total control!
I don't think that Lindsay had anything done (yet) but Paris almost looks like her ass needs it desperately--again.
Gilian WHO?! lol Glen you are so "the truth was out there--but nobody cared" lol
We are invested with MARSCHIANS and ALIENS and some of them are even blogging like they never sleep if you know what I mean--they seem to have pal called "Tina" and that one keeps them up forever...
Good trip and I miss Gillian, too. But she is in Hollywood years "ancient" now and they have Oscar winners now to fight over the spare mother or grandmother parts now.
Oh it is going to be fun when Angelina is turning granmother or evem mom like Britney Spears.