In case you have been living in a cave, or better yet, don't follow celebrity news, an ungodly union has emerged the likes of which hasn't been seen since Hitler and Mussolini. Prepare the garlic, silver bullets, holy water, and someone get Van Helsing on the horn: Britney Spears has joined forces with, *gag* *cough*, Paris Hilton.
To preserve balance in the universe, somewhere a force of vast intelligence, refinement and chastity must have accumulated to fill the void that was created when these two witless icons of skankitude came together. 
And someday, if we pray hard enough and long enough, the seal will be broken and the angels of death and destruction will swoop down and save us all as they ravage and feed on the evil "Sparis" (spare-us), leaving behind only an entwined, withered, STD-ravaged, two-headed carcass with nary a brain betwixt them. 
Whew! Seriously, it's hard to imagine a stranger combination. But, lest we think this pairing is as contrived and ill conceived as her two-year marriage to back-up dancer turned failed rapper, Kevin Federline, think again. While the manufactured flaxen duo may be short on brainpower, there's enough raw ambition, sheer audacity, and hard cash to keep this train wreck a rollin' until the cows come home, so to speak.
We can only speculate what spawned this union, but it would seem Britney's recent separation and plea for divorce from husband K-Fed, and a desire to reclaim her pop princess status, are at the heart of it from her end. Spears, who filed for divorce on November 7, a mere three weeks ago, has yet to settle the matter of custody of their two K-Fed spawn, Sean Preston, one, and two-month-old Jayden, but both are asking for custodial rights, with visitation rights for the other.
Luckily for Britney, an iron-clad pre-nup is in place guaranteeing that baby-daddy Fedster will be dumpster-diving for dinner post-haste as his new CD, Playing With Fire, isn’t burning up the charts. To date, he has sold a whopping 2,000 copies of the disc, and has been forced to give tickets away to his shows.
Article comments
— go to most recent comments1 - Matthew T. Sussman
You again?
2 - Dawn
huh?
3 - Matthew T. Sussman
I said:
You again?
4 - Eric Olsen
nice job Dawn - certainly their capacity for damage is increased exponentially rather than arithmetically
5 - Dawn
Ohhhh.....I see....Whatever.
6 - Jazz666
Thank you Very Much Dawn!!
7 - El Bicho
Best. Comments. Ever?!
8 - Eric Olsen
minimalistic for sure
9 - Dawn
??? Exactly El B - what was I thinking?
10 - Matthew T. Sussman
I use small words and short sentences as a metaphor for the IQ capacity of Sparis.
11 - Dawn
Uh, duh, huh?
12 - Matthew T. Sussman
Um, sure.
13 - Mark Saleski
does this mean i shouldn't bother with my review of the paris hilton cd?
14 - Dawn
Yes.
15 - Eric Olsen
you SHOULD bother
16 - Mat Brewster
Why not just pose for Playboy? She'd make huge money doing it and gain all the attention she apparently needs, and more importantly they'd air brush her into something that looks like it is from this planet and not some grotesque mutant.
It's not like this nudity isn't intentional. She knows the paparazzi follows her everywhere. she's got to know that's only going to increase traveling around with the skank sisters. Look at some of those photos, the paparazi are on their knees with the camera. They surely aint aiming for her pearly whites.
Both Paris and Lohan are now more famous for parading their vaginas around than anything else. And oh yeah, she's wearing a freaking short skirt with no panties. So either she's the dumber than a box of hammers (which I'm not ruling out just yet) or she's intentionally getting attention with her nether region.
All I'm saying is if she's going to show it off, at least have the sense to get some soft lighting and silk sheets to distract us.
17 - Dawn
I couldn't agree more Mat, these are perhaps some of the least flattering shots of poo-nay-nay that I have seen since I had to help my 90 year old granny go on the potty.
A five o-clock shadow might look good on Brad Pitt, but on Britney's lady bits, well it's kind of revolting.
18 - DJRadiohead
I have thus far been able to avoid the Brit Va-jay-jay and I am grateful beyond my ability to express because the last va-jay-jay story has damaged my retinas for three halves of eternity.
On an unrelated note, stop accenting walls and rejoin me when BCRadio comes back to life. We are going back on the air soon. Having electricity was actually more important to the BCRadio process than someone might think. It's great to have you back and present.
19 - Dawn
Thanks Josh, sorry I bailed on you for domestic duties and a lack of a computer!! But rest assured, I have a lot of pent of celebrity angst - this is the tip of the iceberg.
20 - Matthew T. Sussman
Pssh, Dawn, don't be silly, I'm not a celebrity.