I guess this is called "settling," and I don’t believe that women need to either settle (be it for the fake orgasm or anything else) or be alone.
Sometimes alone is better for anyone, but in the case of relationships, it is often the woman’s choice to settle in order just to have a relationship. If women stopped settling from the get go, stuff like this would never get written, read, and substituted for fact.
It is profoundly sad that a woman like Fay (not of the Christian Right) would write a book that presents the options of settling or remaining alone. This book is opinion-based on either personal experience or conjecture. Empirical evidence of its application to the totality of women is non-existent.
I know no one who wants a partner so badly they would bother with all this faking; it takes more energy to fake an orgasm than it does to show someone how to give you one. If you can’t take care of yourself, what good are you? Any man worth having around would be more than happy to be given the keys to the big O and would not want to settle for anything less.
Fake it or end up with alone with nothing? If that’s my choice, give me nothing; I’ll get it myself. It’s not the only choice, though, and I think we all know that.
Article comments
1 - Mohjho
"Fake it or end up with alone with nothing? If that’s my choice, give me nothing; I’ll get it myself. It’s not the only choice, though, and I think we all know that."
Please indulge this ignorant soul. What are the choices that we all know? What if a woman is incapable of orgasm? Or has a very low sexual threshold? Or has been so traumatized in her life from men that she is incapable of intimacy?
I assume you are old enough to have wrestled with these problems on a personal basis and have the experiences to tackle these issues using "empirical evidence" that you sudjested in your article.
2 - cooper
I "suggested" (stated would be a better word) that Weldon had no hard empirical evidence to back her claims, her claims were subjective and putting information out there which might be taken by some as fact is a disservice to women.
This post was in regard to a book, and neither the book or the post intended to touch upon women incapable on non desirous of orgasm - that I assume would be a found in a medical journal JAMA, has a few, or from a decent female gynecologist .
As I’m sure you are aware, empirical research regarding female orgasm is much rarer than that of similar research in regard to the male.
The reasons for this are anyone’s guess, but as males do a significant amount of the research you can make your own assumptions.
There are clues here and there; the recent twin study and some past work by Dr. Elisabeth A. Lloyd which in which she agrees with a theory put forth almost thirty years ago, by anthropologist Dr Donald Symons, in which he concludes the female orgasm has no evolutionary purpose and is therefore “ just for fun. Men need to orgasm in order to procreate women do not " so why study something which had the sole function of giving women pleasure.
One does not tackle one’s own orgasm based on empirical evidence I assume one tackles any issues regarding it on a case by case basis but I stand by my opinion that if a women should not subject herself to a live of pretending or settling for less when there is no need to do so if she doesn’t choose.
This post was not intended to be an investigative in regard to women who have problems achieving orgasm for other reasons or for women who don’t desire orgasms. For that I believe you need a physician.
If you are assuming I am old enough to have tackled these issues you are right although I don’t have a low sex drive (which is what I assume you meant when you said “low sex threshold” and I have never faked and orgasm I am old enough to know that to fake orgasms in order to maintain a relationship it not helpful advice to women.
3 - Mohjho
Fair enough Cooper.
I was actually interested in the book and how people react to orgasms and relationships over time. Seems that as we age, the sex drive goes down and sometimes disappears, this then puts a strain on the relationship as a couple tries to readjust their intimate expression.
Some women who fake orgasms feel they are keeping the relationship together, but in the long run they are most likely cutting themselves off from communication with there partner thus creating distance in the relationship.
I have never heard of Fay Weldon so I wasn't sure were she was coming from. I agree with you in that faking orgasm is a disservice to oneself. Maybe Fay is writing to a younger crowd that feels that 'good' sex is necessary to clime whatever ambitions they have and faking it is simply a tool for that ends. Not something that interests me.