I’m fond of Hepburn. I like her old movies and who can’t love women who said, “If motherhood doesn’t interest you, don’t do it. It didn’t interest me, so I didn’t do it. Anyway, I would have made a terrible parent. The first time my child didn’t do what I wanted, I’d kill him.”
Hepburn’s words stuck with me for a few years. It lingered long enough for me to ponder the truthfulness of her statement — all this despite the role models I had to disprove it all. What one hears (or reads in this sense, linguistically it doesn’t matter the effect is the same) becomes truth. It is possible then to assume reading a book by a fairly popular writer, in which she suggests a women should "fake it and get on with it," has some potential for becoming a fact for many who read it.
I see writing like this as dangerous to women.
She should be corrected, if not flogged, for writing a book others might take as truth because they’re not willing to investigate the consequences or validity of her proclamations.
A couple of years ago I was sitting around with a bunch of girls talking about sex, boyfriends, and what not. During this idle chit chat a friend, who had been doing the deed with her boyfriend for some time, made a statement about sex not really being anything for her, that she "didn’t get anything out of it, certainly not an orgasm."
We asked her if she had told her boyfriend and she answered, "No, of course not." Her reasoning was that it really did not matter; everything she’d read led her to believe that’s just the way it was most of the time and she didn’t want to hurt his feelings. Nothing we said changed her mind. I imagine she is lying around now under some "in the dark" dude, faking her moans and groans, and getting on with life. I bet her significant other’s feelings and her not-based-on-truth relationship remains intact.
Article comments
1 - Mohjho
"Fake it or end up with alone with nothing? If that’s my choice, give me nothing; I’ll get it myself. It’s not the only choice, though, and I think we all know that."
Please indulge this ignorant soul. What are the choices that we all know? What if a woman is incapable of orgasm? Or has a very low sexual threshold? Or has been so traumatized in her life from men that she is incapable of intimacy?
I assume you are old enough to have wrestled with these problems on a personal basis and have the experiences to tackle these issues using "empirical evidence" that you sudjested in your article.
2 - cooper
I "suggested" (stated would be a better word) that Weldon had no hard empirical evidence to back her claims, her claims were subjective and putting information out there which might be taken by some as fact is a disservice to women.
This post was in regard to a book, and neither the book or the post intended to touch upon women incapable on non desirous of orgasm - that I assume would be a found in a medical journal JAMA, has a few, or from a decent female gynecologist .
As I’m sure you are aware, empirical research regarding female orgasm is much rarer than that of similar research in regard to the male.
The reasons for this are anyone’s guess, but as males do a significant amount of the research you can make your own assumptions.
There are clues here and there; the recent twin study and some past work by Dr. Elisabeth A. Lloyd which in which she agrees with a theory put forth almost thirty years ago, by anthropologist Dr Donald Symons, in which he concludes the female orgasm has no evolutionary purpose and is therefore “ just for fun. Men need to orgasm in order to procreate women do not " so why study something which had the sole function of giving women pleasure.
One does not tackle one’s own orgasm based on empirical evidence I assume one tackles any issues regarding it on a case by case basis but I stand by my opinion that if a women should not subject herself to a live of pretending or settling for less when there is no need to do so if she doesn’t choose.
This post was not intended to be an investigative in regard to women who have problems achieving orgasm for other reasons or for women who don’t desire orgasms. For that I believe you need a physician.
If you are assuming I am old enough to have tackled these issues you are right although I don’t have a low sex drive (which is what I assume you meant when you said “low sex threshold” and I have never faked and orgasm I am old enough to know that to fake orgasms in order to maintain a relationship it not helpful advice to women.
3 - Mohjho
Fair enough Cooper.
I was actually interested in the book and how people react to orgasms and relationships over time. Seems that as we age, the sex drive goes down and sometimes disappears, this then puts a strain on the relationship as a couple tries to readjust their intimate expression.
Some women who fake orgasms feel they are keeping the relationship together, but in the long run they are most likely cutting themselves off from communication with there partner thus creating distance in the relationship.
I have never heard of Fay Weldon so I wasn't sure were she was coming from. I agree with you in that faking orgasm is a disservice to oneself. Maybe Fay is writing to a younger crowd that feels that 'good' sex is necessary to clime whatever ambitions they have and faking it is simply a tool for that ends. Not something that interests me.