I guard against visually showing disinterest by glazing my eyes over or tangentially thinking about packing peanuts at the very mention of my co-workers adorable anecdote about their cat coughing up its heartworm pill. So no.
6. Have you ever texted or talked on a cell phone in a movie theater?
If you know a better way to siphon spoilers for Marley & Me to Rotten Tomatoes, I'm open to ideas.
7. Have you let your dog relieve himself on your neighbor's lawn?
Look, Scruffles isn't on trial here. If he wants to subscribe to Doggie AOL on his own hard-begged dollar and take this survey, that's his prerogative.
8. Have you ever cut in front of someone in line?
But for third grade art class I laminated a Backsies Diplomatic Immunity Card!
9. Have you ever stolen someone's parking spot?
Well, once:
10. Have you ever let your child kick the back of the seat in front of him and not apologized to his victim?
Such apologies are delivered via cell phone text message.
11. Have you ever not RSVP'd to an event by the date requested?
I get 173 invites to random events on Facebook every week and am faced with a moral dilemma to click "No" to every parochial even like "My band is playing at a local bar" or "I'm doing a live blog of Heroes, watch me type!" So the answer is no, I've always hit "No."
12. Have you ever gossiped?
Not me, no. That sounds more like something Kathy from A/R would do after maybe half a Long Island Iced Tea.
13. Have you ever taken someone else's food or drink from the office refrigerator?
Hold on, my friend is calling.
Article comments
1 - Robert M. Barga
Just wondering, but isn't Oprah's show just gossip?
2 - Joanne Huspek
Oh, my. This is hilarious.