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Can’t we all get along?
Written by Joe Wilson
NEW YORK (PoopyCaca.com) – Time to polish up the Zambonis, the National Hockey League will be back after losing a season to a lockout, thanks to an all-night, bloody bargaining session with the players and owners.
The challenge the NHL now faces is bringing fans of the sport, who were left out in the cold last season, back to the games and television coverage. Many hockey lovers spent the long winter drinking and fighting in bars with other fans, battling over VHS tapes of the previous season.
South Boston native, Tommy O’Guinness, said that he’s still mad at the sport and his lifelong obsession, the Boston Bruins, “broke my freakin’ heart.” Although never a season ticket holder, O’Guinness, attended most home games.
“Scalpers know my face, put it that way. Not for nothing, but season before last, I spent more money on the Bruins than I did on my fiancés engagement ring – don’t print that though, she’ll be wicked pissed,” O’Guinness said. “It’s gonna take me a little bit to forget about last year and lay out money on tickets again.”
The NHL has two plans to bring the fans back, lower ticket prices and “Punch a Player in the Face” nights.
Commissioner Gary Bettman explained the new promotions. “We know fans are unhappy and a lot of them would like to punch me in the face, but let’s put last season behind us and heal the bond with our fans by letting them punch players,” Bettman said. “One fan’s ticket number will be picked at random to choose any player on any team to punch at the end of each game. The players are willing to do it and I am sure the fans won’t mind taking out their frustrations. Let’s begin the healing process.”
Tommy O’Guinness was excited about the opportunity. “Are you shittin’ me? I’ll be buying a whole section of tickets when the Rangers play here.”
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