The Northeast has been hit with some wicked weather this past week and one man claims he’s had enough.
This morning, New York resident Jack Post filed a 15 billion dollar lawsuit against Old Man Winter. The suit claims Mr. Winter is exacting revenge after overhearing a conversation in which Post joked about global warming saying, “Winter is nothing but a wannabee Spring.”
According to Post, it was just two days after this conversation that the New York area was hit with extremely cold weather. Post’s attorney, Mitch Sharp, feels -25 degree wind chills are “disgustingly immature” and that Mr. Winter needs to “get his priorities straight.”
When confronted with the fact that Old Man Winter was nothing but a cute nickname for a natural occurrence, Post and Sharp turned their attention towards, who they feel, is the real culprit – Canada.
“After consulting with local weather stations, we’ve determined that Canada is the real reason why it’s been so cold here over the last week,” said Sharp outside the Courthouse earlier this morning. “Canada should be held responsible for making it this freaking cold. Seriously, can you feel your toes? I can’t. Let’s blame Canada!”
In a statement released late this afternoon, Canadian Weather Prime Minister Bob responded, “There’s absolutely no reason to blame us for their weather, eh. You don’t see Canada blaming the States for the atrocity that is Ashlee Simpson, do you?”
While Judge Hackett makes a decision on whether or not she will hear the case, Post has gone ahead and filed a restraining order against every thing Canadian.
“If someone does so much as to walk by me wearing a Montreal Canadians hat, they can be thrown in jail,” Post stated outside his home on Long Island. “Once and for all they will learn to keep their cold to themselves.”
Z. McShafty is a Senior Meteorologist Private Detective for Tinfoil Hat Pundit. He can be reached at McShafty[at]gmail.com
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