(President Bush is absentmindedly picking his nose; somewhere in the bowels of the Ken Starr Strategy Center, Dick Cheney's brain twitches, sending electrical impulses through a vast network of digital switches.)
Bush jumps in his seat and gets that "deer-in-the-headlights" look.
After a few long moments of shallow concentration, Bush speaks to the assembled crowd of media consultants, campaign strategists, sycophants, and closeted-facists:
BUSH: Um, folks, I know since we had to fake most of it, y'all never paid much attention to my resume — but I think I need to tell yall: I WAS A MEMBER OF SKULL AND BONES.
Crowd gasps.
CONSULTANT#1: You were?! (Takes out taser: Looks around angrily at staff) You went to college?
BUSH: Yup.
CONSULTANT#1: Yale? You went to fucking Yale?
BUSH: Yup.
CONSULTANT#1: And you were in the same funky, secret satanic organization as Kerry?
BUSH: Uh-huh.
CONSULTANT#1: This looks really bad. I don't know what to do...
CONSULTANT#2: Hey! I've got an idea! Let's say Bush got accepted to Skull and Bones --- and, get this (heh) — HE NEVER SHOWED UP!
CONSULTANT#1: Yeah, yeah, he spent... umm... those four years at...umm...
CONSULTANT#2: ...Spring Break! He was at Spring Break!
CONSULTANT#1: Yeah! Yeah! That's it! He got accepted to Skull and Bones, went to Spring Break in... um...
CONSULTANT#2: ...Alabama! The coast of Alabama!
CONSULTANT#1: Yes! He went to spring break on the coast of Alabama — decided not to return to college — and missed all four years at Yale. He was never actually IN Kerry's little satanic club!
CONSULTANT#2: Alright, that's our story and we're stickin' to it! Get it out to our spokesmen Scott McLellan, Matt Drudge, and FOX News.
CONSULTANT#1: You think the public will actually believe all this shit?
CONSULTANT#2: They'll believe anything. The bigger the lie, the more they're apt to believe it.
The entire room erupts into wave of loud laughter and great guffaws — followed by smell of dead, rotten fish.
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