Logic is a strange thing. Thankfully, I've never been accused of having any, which makes my political arguments much stronger and more valid than most political bloggers. But today I realized: when faced with the unexpected, logic takes a strange turn.
Case in point: the parking garage at my beloved University.
I got out of class today, trekked across campus, and arrived in the parking garage. Walked to my usual parking spot and was confronted with: a teal Saturn.
I don't drive a teal Saturn.
My car is missing. It is not where I parked it. I look up and down the empty parking garage, eyeing over every car in the vicinity.
My car is missing.
The following is a transcript of my thought process following this realization:
I need to call my dad to help me....
...Shit, I left my cell phone in my car.
...MY PHONE IS IN MY CAR?! DAMNIT! ...
...Wait, did I?...Oh my God, I did ...
... I LEFT MY COACH PURSE IN MY CAR! ...
... AND my Coach wallet is in my Coach purse!! ...
It is important to note that I was not concerned with my social security card, driver's license, or credit cards in this purse. No. My primary concern was with the purse and wallet themselves.
... SOMEONE STOLE MY COACH PURSE. Justice must be served...
...And I had an awesome mix CD in the CD player....
... MY PURSE!!! ....
Also, surprisingly, my car was missing.
... MY DAD IS GOING TO KILL ME.
After standing in the garage like a petite-mal seizure epileptic for about five minutes, I realized that I came to class late today. I didn't park in my usual spot. My car was on the next level. After sprinting up the stairs to find my car where I had originally left it, I breathed a sigh of relief, hoped nobody had witnessed my personal freak-out, and drove away mildly embarassed.
Thankfully, my purse was fine.
Article comments
1 - Lono
That was awesome! I espcecially liked your attention to the small details. I remember when I blew the engine up on my car rendering it permanently unusable forever. My biggest gripe was that I had just filled up the tank and totally blew $30 in gas.
2 - Temple Stark
Funny. Good stuff. Guess I'll have to feel sorry for you another time. LOL
Sure you're not one of those "Retiree students" and you've just forgotten you're old?
And I feel good not knowing this but what's so special about a Coach purse or wallet?
3 - ChelseaLou
Put it this way, Temple. I worked ALL SUMMER just to earn up enough money for said wallet and purse.
4 - Bob A. Booey
Chelsea's rad.
A Coach purse in Indiana?
What was on the mix CD?
That is all.
5 - ChelseaLou
And I was pulling in about $400 a paycheck.
6 - ChelseaLou
A pretty eclectic mix, Babs. Had some Flogging Molly, the Eels, My Chemical Romance, the Shins, Incubus (early stuff, I don't like the new stuff), Bob Dylan, Violent Femmes ... that's as far as I can think right now. I think I had some Nirvana and Prodigy on there too. I don't know, but it's a kickass CD to drive the 40 minutes to and from class every day.
7 - Bob A. Booey
Chelsea's a girly girl Amazon.
I bet I can guess what was on the mix CD.
That is all.
8 - ChelseaLou
So how close was your prediction, Bob?
9 - Bob A. Booey
That sounds like a good mix CD.
I love all those bands except Incubus and especially Nirvana and Prodigy. My girlfriend loves The Shins -- I think every girl who ever saw Garden State loves that band now because Zach Braff is such a sensitive chick. I totally was going to guess The Shins were on there, because they're on every girl's mix CD.
I'm going to see the Violent Femmes at a Guinness oyster festival this weekend for $5. Yes, you heard me, a Guinness oyster festival. I love me some Guinness and some Femmes, so I'll be there despite the high likelihood of gross yuppies in the old neighborhood I used to live in.
I always get Flogging Molly and the Dropkick Murphys confused. There's another Irish/Scottish punk band called The Real McKenzies that have bag pipes, but they're less serious and political and more schticky.
And I'm the only person in the world who hates Dylan.
That is all.
10 - Bob A. Booey
I was going to guess more indie-ish rock and more of the 80s-ish stuff that's popular now like The Killers and The Bravery, but I was right about The Shins. You did surprise me with the harder stuff like Nirvana and Prodigy, though, but I guess a girl needs to rock out with her Coach bags in the car.
I also figured maybe some Coldplay.
I figured you were too smart to like emo, although all chicks like Dashboard Confessional now. It was a disgusting sight at Lollapalooza seeing every woman in the place sing along with that pretty boy poseur with the falsetto voice.
My favoritest Eels song is "Last Stop: This Town." I loved that song in college.
That is all.
11 - ChelseaLou
I'd never heard of the Dropkick Murphys until I heard them in the background when Sussman was playing MLB '05, and confused them for Flogging Molly. Sound pretty similar, but I like them both all the same.
I also forgot to mention Jettingham, a great local band with not nearly enough play, Ani DiFranco and 311. And Dan Bern, another indie artist who kicks ass.
And I have never seen Garden State.
12 - ChelseaLou
Best Eels Song: Flyswatter or Wooden Nickels. I love the Daisies of the Galaxy CD.
I only like the early Dashboard Confessional stuff. For some reason once bands go corporate I lose interest/respect. I'm the same way with John Mayer. I hate his new stuff and lost a lot of respect for him ... but his show on ... shit, VH1?... was hilarious. I'd do him.
And I hate Coldplay. Just wanted to add that.
13 - Bob A. Booey
I hate 311, but girls love them too.
I might have guessed Ani, but the sorority president thing would have thrown me off :) Ani's the Avril of the coffeehouse liberal/hippie/leftie crowd, but maybe that's being too harsh since she's been around way longer.
As long as you don't have any John Mayer, Jack Johnson, Dave Matthews, or Jason Mraz, we're still cool :)
John Mayer is the friggin anti-Christ.
You should watch Garden State with Sussman -- it's a very good movie.
I don't play video games, but do you play them with Sussman? You'd be every post-adolescent man's dream :)
I gave up on video games after the Sega Genesis in high school, because the graphics and games are too good and involving now. I know I'd never get anything done, be unemployable, broke and alone if I started playing this XBox/Playstation stuff -- it'd be like crack addiction with those sports games.
I'm still overcoming my John Madden/NBA Live addiction from high school.
That is all.
14 - ChelseaLou
I haven't seen Garden State but he has. The closest thing I've gotten out of him as far as a review is "I have no idea what to think of it." *shrugs* I guess I AM seeing him this weekend, and we need something to do. Besides sex. Enh. You know.
And on the video game front -- not a huge fan. I play occasionally and/or if Sussman makes me. I do have my select RPG's I love, and he got me into Zelda. Though I shall never publicly admit any of this on the record.
15 - Matthew T. Sussman
The delay Chelsea suffered from being away from her car prevented several drivers from being cut off and flipped the bird. It also plummeted the state trooper's ticket quota.
16 - Bob A. Booey
We mentioned John Mayer at the same time.
He's a big ugly, giant-headed dork and a misogynist who writes sensitive, sappy, sentimentally weird tunes like "Daughters" and "Your Body is a Wonderland" (the ultimate stalker/serial killer anthem) to get laid. I haven't seen the VH1 show, but whenever he's interviewed on a talk show, he's a total smart-ass dick who talks about how he uses women.
And you wouldn't do him, even though you like goofy guys :)
I've written elsewhere on here how much I hate John Mayer, so I'll stop before I get started with him.
I hate Coldplay, but I liked "Clocks" because I'm a sucker for any bad pop song with piano in it. I even played like five different dance remixes of it in my DJ sets when that song came out, so everyone was like "you really like Coldplay, huh?" I hate everything else they did, but I'm one of those people who can love one song by a band I hate.
Unless it's John Mayer. I hate O.A.R. and Phish too.
That is all.
17 - Bob A. Booey
Sussman, don't C-Block me while I'm making time with your girl.
Just kidding :)
How far apart do you kids live?
That is all.
18 - ChelseaLou
I hate pretty much any band that I feel obliged to like because I'm in college (i.e., O.A.R., Dave Matthews Band). My first roommate loved those kinds of bands, and soon I came to hate her. But I may have also hated he because she was the hall slut and told people that I was a lesbian. And I brushed the dorm toilet with her toothbrush when she went to class and pissed in her Jack Daniels in the fridge.
Meh. Bitch had it coming.
But I hated her music too.
19 - Bob A. Booey
I'm scared of you now, Chelsea.
You better be nice to her, Sussman, or she'll make you sick in so many ways.
I have funnier roommate stories than you, but not nearly as hateful. This just proves girls are way, way meaner than boys are. Boys would just have a pushing, shouting match or throw a punch or two. Girls go to war.
I hated kids who played what I thought was "techno" in college, but now almost all I listen to is dance music, house or trance. I've so sold out and lost my soul, but rock is dead and so is punk.
That is all.
20 - Mode Seek
Visit a city sometime and get a knockoff Coach bag. I'm sure no one is Indiana would be able to tell the difference, and your paper chase might be less hectic as a result.
Naturally, the nametag might say 'Cooch' though. Be sure to check that.
21 - Bob A. Booey
Huh huh, he said "Cooch," Beavis.
That is all.
22 - ChelseaLou
Visit a city? VISIT A CITY? Jesus, what kind of podunk under-exposed, culture-starved hick do you think I am?
Visit a city. Geesh. I've seen tall buildings -- my town has TWO grain elevators.
Visit a city...
Oh, and Bob, to answer your question (finally), Suss and I are currently about two hours apart and alternate who goes to see whom on weekends.