My Opponent Hates You - Page 2

A Stand-Up Man is used when a candidate employs a third party to vouch for his character, even though the third party is obviously biased it's supposed to come across as just a concerned citizen.

So there's a police man on screen: "Candidate Jones cares about you, and your safety." (He kneels down next to Spot, his police dog). "And unlike Candidate Quimby, he loves animals. Especially dogs that fight crime and get bad bad men. Like Candidate Quimby. To refresh: Jones - cop friendly, safe, dog lover. Quimby - cop hating liar who is probably a coke dealer."

And obviously he's a cop, so he wouldn't lie. Never mind the fact that Candidate Jones has promised a generous raise to the police department when he's elected.

You send candidates on your behalf to work for you, but it seems in the years between elections nothing happens - then in a short three to four month period the candidates scream, "OH MY GOD CAN YOU BELIEVE WHAT THEY'RE DOING?" Suddenly we're supposed to believe that much like Godzilla awakened by yet another nuclear blast, the bad guys (how come the bad guys are always on the other party?) are working together once again to make life miserable for you (I was doing quite fine before, thank you very much). Somehow it's hard to see these same bumbling "fat cats" getting religion and sitting around a giant circular table like Lex Luthor and doing evil-laughs that echo through the corridors.

And of course, your candidate - Candidate Jones - is the Superman to their Luthor (sans tights, unless you live in San Francisco), fighting for truth, justice and reelection.

What a wonderful democracy we live in.

Read more like this at the Washington Post and USA Today quoted OliverWillis.com