My Experiences With Alzheimer's Disease - Page 2

She was sitting in front of the main entrance, so my mother and I found chairs and sat to visit. My grandmother looked at me for a minute or two trying to figure out who I was. She knew that she knew me, but that's all that she knew. I looked back at her and wanted to tell her who I was, but I also wanted to make her mind work. But I tired of waiting. I told her who I was. It was a normal visit. She told us how she's been working at the nursing home, doing small tasks, and waiting for someone to pick her up and take her home. She neither has a job, nor will be leaving that nursing home. She's 90 with an unsteady gait, and has fallen once.

She mentioned her husband and my father more than once, as though they were both still alive. Neither of us corrected her. Usually, Mother will say something. She didn't this time. She kept leaving us to try and find Grandmother's roommate, so that she could leave our telephone number with her. The side of the family that primarily take care of her don't talk to us. Someone is getting married tomorrow, in fact. Neither of us was invited.

During one of Mother's jaunts down the hall, there was a really long and awkward silence, and Grandmother mentioned that she couldn't wait to get home to Papa. Without thinking, I told her that Papa is gone and so is my father. In an instant, I saw a look of pain, agony and angst that I'd never seen before even though I sat next to her for some time and at Papa's wake. There was a single tear, then her face went blank. I felt like I had killed them myself and was just confessing to her. And, in a way, that's exactly what happened. I hope that I am able to remember this painful moment so that it never happens again. I just don't see any need for it.

It makes me see the plus side of having AD. Its protection. Its selectivity. Its sense of reality. My personal knowledge is limited, as I have only really known these two people, as an adult. But my experiences are vivid. Diseases of the
mind fascinate me.

Article Author: Ginae B. McDonald

Ms. McDonald has been published in the Taj Mahal Review. She is an avid blogger.

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