Osama bin laden, the director of George W Bush's re-election campaign, today issued a renewed call for jihad against America and expressed his profound gratitude to the American President.
"The President has been an enormous boon to my recruiting efforts. Ever since his incompetent intelligence services inadvertently allowed me to bomb the country on 9/11, I've been on a roll. My recruiting is off the charts. And every day, the Administration does something that really helps my cause."
In particular, bin laden mentioned the invasion of Iraq. "By knocking out my big opponent, Saddam, and turning the country into a breeding ground for terrorists, he has really made my job easy. Words cannot express my admiration. Perhaps another suicide bombing will do the trick."
Reached in the Far East, where he was on a campaign swing for his war on terror, Bush said he was "deeply honored" by bin laden's words, and expressed his own gratitude for the al-Quada leader.
"Before 9/11, I was really sucking wind in the polls. But those attacks were literally a gift from the sky. I've now got the whole country cowed and the press bamboozled. And, as an extra bonus, we've got Iraq's oil. Osama rocks!"
Bush said he hopes that Osama will launch another terrorist attack soon, in time to get the GOP re-elected in 2004. "It would be really great if it could happen the week of the Republican convention in New York next August. All those explosions will make a nice backdrop to my re-election speech. It'll be just like the Fourth of July!"
The two also announced that they will soon record a duet version of Eminem's "Without Me." All proceeds will be split between the GOP and al-Quada.
"Two trailer park terrorists go round the outside;
round the outside, round the outside
*scratches*
Two trailer park terrorists go round the outside;
round the outside, round the outside
*scratches*
Guess who's back
Back again
Osama's back
Tell a friend
Osama's back, Osama's back, Osama's back......"
Article comments
— go to most recent comments1 - BB
Looks like Chris Arabia has got competition! I give it 4 out 5 tee hees.
2 - Cog
Osama can't even take a picture with today's newspaper. He is meat paste on the wall of some Afghanistan cave.
But nice to see you buy into the cheap propaganda foisted by the Jihadi "left".
3 - LGF Fan
This is trash!
So sad to see a once fine bastion of level-headedness go the way of left-wing conspiracy theorists. Get a clue.
4 - Natalie Davis
I *know* he's alive. He was on Letterman just the other day!
Osama and Dubya: brothers in arms... Ha! Get it? Thanks, folks, I'll be here all week. Be sure and tip your servers.
5 - Buck
Bottom line:
Before the war in Afganistan, Osama had a country at his command, and all of the power and security that it entailed. No matter how you try and spin it, he now (if he isn't dead) has to hide and run every day. al-Quada, although not completly wiped out, does not have the ability to do more than a suicide bomb here or there. al-Quada has, by all measures, lost almost everyone and everything of any real value.
The war in Iraq will not prove to help al-Quada or any other radical muslim group, because it will bring democracy to part of the world that has never imagined it possible. When the Iraqi people do well under democracy, then the arab brothers will learn about freedom. That cannot be good, and is in fact the worst thing that can happen to radical/militant muslim groups, and the totalitarian governments that support them.
6 - destroyAttemptsAtIrony
C- at Brown University creative writing class. Go read Chomsky and listen to Saves the Day, you nonentity.
7 - vanderleun
When one of our cities is incinerated, let's all gather back here and discuss how funny this is.
8 - mike
I've gotten twenty!-TWENTY!-e-mails from pro-wars since I posted this only 3+ hours ago telling me that a) I'm not funny, b) I can go fuck myself, c) my mother is physically unattractive, and d) Osama should fly a plane into my house. I am deeply, deeply touched by all the love and affection.
9 - Natalie Davis
Hey, Mike, it's the American way, apparently. Surely you are not surprised by the crassness and cruelty of your unfortunate correspondents. You better shape up and say the pledge like everyone else, or expect to have your ass kicked.
Seriously, folks, you either laugh or weep. Personally, whether bombs go off in New York, Baghdad, the Gaza Strip, Bali, or anywhere, they've bombed my city. When Americans are killed in Iraq, Israelis are murdered in Jerusalem, Palestinians are slaughtered in the West Bank, or anyone is slain anywhere, my people have died. Whether the murderer is Osama bin Laden, George Dubya Bush, an al-Qaeda terrorist, Ariel Sharon, or a Hamas militant, the horror and tragedy -- and my bottomless grief -- are the same. If humor can alleviate the pain even momentarily, I welcome it.
10 - hmmmmm?
*quote* Seriously, folks, you either laugh or weep. Personally, whether bombs go off in New York, Baghdad, the Gaza Strip, Bali, or anywhere, they've bombed my city. When Americans are killed in Iraq, Israelis are murdered in Jerusalem, Palestinians are slaughtered in the West Bank, or anyone is slain anywhere, my people have died. Whether the murderer is Osama bin Laden, George Dubya Bush, an al-Qaeda terrorist, Ariel Sharon, or a Hamas militant, the horror and tragedy -- and my bottomless grief -- are the same. *quote*
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Is this more parody or were you trying to be serious? I'm afraid I know what the answer is.
11 - Natalie Davis
Ah, the American way. :(
12 - Pete Nelson
Natalie,
Fine sentiment, but misguided. What you've written (pardon if I seem patronizing) is called "moral equivalence." Terrorists murdering 3000 unsuspecting and undeserving civilians in the WTC or destroying buses in Israel full of innocent women and children is not the same as George Bush using military means to eliminate those terrorists and their supporters. Yes, in both circumstances people died, and that is tragic for anyone that cares about others. However, in the first case, innocent civilians were deliberately targeted by those attempting to make a political point. In the second, the terrorists brought their own deaths upon themselves, by the fact that they insist on using terror as a weapon. They are reaping what they've sown. The argument that they have no other means to fight is nonsense - study the life of Ghandi for a different strategy to effectively protest oppression. Those people that are using terror to express their political and religious beliefs have other options, but they've chosen terror. They've forsaken their humanity, and so I feel no guilt, shame and little sadness that they are dieing at the hand of the U.S. military. The deaths I feel sad about are those of the victims of terror, not the perpetrators.
13 - andy
I used to like this place
14 - Natalie Davis
Well, we are going to disagree on this, so there is no point in even starting this. You're speaking with a pacifist who finds all violence immoral and Bush as much a terrorist as the suicide bombers. So let's agree to consider each other misguided, OK?
Oh -- you and I do agree on one thing: Gandhi's method is the only acceptable, moral method of resistance. I do wish the militant Palestinians would try it for a change.
15 - Pete Nelson
Ah, Natalie. I see now where you're coming from. At one point in my life, I might have agreed with you to some extent. After I became a husband and a father, my viewpoint changed. I could not see all violence as immoral, when it came down to protecting my wife and son. It wasn't theoretical to me any more. While I still think violence is a poor solution, I think now that sometimes it is the only solution. It's a sad, but true, fact of the human condition. There are those that will not negotiate.
In any case, I doubt I will change your mind, and so, peace to you. I wish the world was as you would like it to be.
16 - Jay Dyson
Had Enough Yet?
Nufsed.
17 - LGFwatch
Heehee! Political satire gets better as US politics gets worse :-) Still, I wish it were the other way around...
18 - Eric Olsen
I am somewhat surprised when readers take any given post as "representing the site." Other than the fact that I "edit" Blogcritics - which means look for spelling, coding, and basic writing errors - clearly there is no political litmus test for participating in Blogcritics. I try to give my perspective on any given matter, but a nonresponse is no indication of agreement on my part either.
I would like to think, also, that my own perspective on most matters is fairly clear here. I am the most prolific contributor - everyone else has their own home site, this IS my home site - but in no way "control" what goes on here.
I have seen comments elsewhere - such as LGF - that a perspective not my own - such as mike's post here - is an indication of a "change in direction" or decline of some sort. I would have to respectfully but strongly disagree as the broader the range of opinions expressed here, the more of a true forum of opinion we truly become.
19 - Eric Olsen
Having defended the politically unregulated nature of Blogcritics above, I would now say that this post is clearly satirical and meant to be taken as such, is fairly successful in making its point, but, um, I disagree.
I might as well write a post about it.
20 - Tim Rice
Eric Olsen said:
- - I might as well write a post about it.
Or, you could ask Pete Nelson to. Seriously, great response, Pete. Clear, concise, and you stuck to the facts without any vitriol or snottiness. If your post was the bar, the level of discourse in the blogosphere would be much raised.
21 - Eric Olsen
I have expressed my opinion on general and specific things here.
22 - Yackums
Natalie Davis is a pacifist who finds all violence immoral, and Pete Nelson admirably demonstrates that her position is tenable only in the theoretical realm. But in case his example didn't resonate with Natalie I'd like to ask a few questions.
Is it not violence to fight off, let alone kill, someone trying to kill, rape, or otherwise harm you? Would you consider such violence immoral? Would you then suggest that the only moral response in the face of such an attack is to lie down and take it and, if you're still alive, shout "Thank you sir, may I have another?"
Maybe your answer is yes, I don't know...apparently the Left these days regard morality and self-interest as mutually exclusive, so maybe to you the suicide bomber is the poster child for morality as he makes the ultimate sacrifice for his cause...
Follow your principles to their logical conclusion or you've lost all credibility.
23 - Phillip Winn
Yackums (#22), can you read?
I ask because Natalie has already stated (#14) that she "finds all violence immoral and Bush as much a terrorist as the suicide bombers." (emphasis added) Does that sound like she considers them a poster child for morality? She also said, "Gandhi's method is the only acceptable, moral method of resistance. I do wish the militant Palestinians would try it for a change." So try to follow along, Yackums — the poster child for morality is Gandhi, not the idiot suicide bombers.
Natalie and I disagree on this and other issues, but your argument fails what I call the third-grade test, in that I could find a home-schooled third grader that could rip it apart. You can disagree with Natalie, but please don't presume that you speak from some position of moral superiority until you've spent some time observing her principles in action.
And yes, I would somewhat like to hear Natalie's reaction to your question which would be less provocatively stated as, "What is the proper moral reaction of a pacifist who is attacked by a rapist/murderer?"
24 - Moiz
*Quote*While I still think violence is a poor solution, I think now that sometimes it is the only solution. It's a sad, but true, fact of the human condition. There are those that will not negotiate.*Quote*
Don't you think the palestinian terrorists and muslim suicide bombers also thought of that before they took the extreme step of killing themselves and choosing a life away from hteir families. Why do you people fail to look at the cause of all this terrorism. INEQUALITY!
25 - Eric Olsen
"Inequality" the cause of all terrorism? Perhaps like skin is the cause of all racism. Most people perceive themselves to be "unequal" most the time - only a small percentage resort to terrorism. Are we talking about equality of opportunity or equality of result? I believe mankind rather unsuccessfully attempted to ensure equality of result via communism, fascism, extreme religious fundamentalism, and various other totalitarian "isms."
I would say failure to take responsibility for their own failures is the "cause" of most terror, and suicide bombing is the result of a carefully shaped and managed environment of propaganda, social pressure and brainwashing that leads to exaltation in death and destruction. It is despicable beyond words.