Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts. For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday. You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far. Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness; For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.
This passage carried me through my turbulent teen years and a strained relationship with my own mother. When I was 16, I read this to her in an attempt to get her to look at my perspective. She thought it was the most onerous thing ever written. Like a lot of mothers of her era, she believed in the exact opposite. Children were your property and responsibility to be molded and beaten into shape, not given opportunities for discovery.Mothers are the building blocks for life, not the entire foundation. They hold an important role, one that deserves respect, but at some point the child has to take a step up and away. I know many people who blame their mothers for the life they have today. Children should be able to learn from the missteps of their parents as well as from their success. You can only levy so much of your circumstance on your mother; the rest is up to you.On this motherless Mother’s Day, I didn’t wait for phone calls or presents from my faraway kids. My day was already planned from dawn to dusk with things I wanted to do.I’m too far away to have visited my mother’s grave last Sunday (coincidentally her birthday), but I think I’ll get my mother-in-law a new urn.And I’ll open up The Prophet and have a cup of tea.
Article comments
1 - Nicole Pulliam
Thank you for writing this, I to have 'wounds' from my past and I often fall so short with my own children. This was refreshingly honest and respectful.
2 - Bliffle
Good article.
I still think your picture is a little sunshine among the glowering republicans on BC.
My own mother was not very good. Not in the least warm. We all knew that Dad was the warm one. I don't miss my mother at all. I remember my dad fondly every week.
So I repeated the pattern: my wives were not very good mothers for my children. Except, maybe, in small ways, like they quit smoking and drinking when pregnant.
My grandfather rescued his kids from the crazy mother, but my dad and I both failed to rescue our kids. It was hard to do in the 20th century, but I understand that it is easier now.
3 - Dr. Juliann Mitchell, PhD
Thanks Joanne. I think I am going to call my Mom and say thank you again.