Shanna was the first to go public (sans publicist) and use the Myspace forum to express her grievances. In a blog posting from August 8th (the same day Barker filed for divorce), Shanna channeled her inner buddha and wrote, "I am very devastated and very much heartbroken over the demise of my marriage and for the upset of my family... I wanted nothing more to overcome the challenges we faced but failed. I truly believe that everything happens for a reason and I have complete faith in the heavens."
Travis' rebuttal took an entirely different tone and specificity:
Here I will give you a walk in my life with Shanna Moakler.- It starts around 5:30. (SHANNA SLEEPING) I wake up and get my babies ... we play with dinosaurs, numbers, we change dirty diapers, it's the best.
- SHANNA DOESN'T EVEN TAKE HER DAUGHTER TO SCHOOL, her ASSISTANT DOES.
- At 11am (SHANNA SLEEPING) I return from breakfast and kiss the babies goodbye, it's time to drive to [work]. I get back from [work] round' 2pm and I head over to my studio. (SHANNA IS JUST NOW GETTING UP) SHANNA GOES TO GET NAILS DONE WITH HER ASSISTANT.
- Round 6pm I have dinner with the babies and my nanny, (SHANNA IS M.I.A. NOTE TO SELF ... SHE IS NOT AT WORK ... SHE WORKED 6 TIMES IN THE LAST 4 YEARS, ROUND 8PM I USUALLY RECIEVE A TEXT SAYING SHE'S GOING OUT TO DINNER)
- Around 1am I get home ... NO SHANNA, JUST THE SMELL OF PERFUME LIKE GNARLY. MY NANNY IS STILL AT THE HOUSE ... (THIS NANNY IS ALSO REFERRED TO AS MOMMY at times :() I SHOWER AND GET INTO BED, ROUND 3:30 AM MY WIFE GETS IN, DRUNK, LOUD CURSING CAUSE SHE HATES MY FRIENDS, HATES MY BANDS, MY WORK, HATES ME...
- That brings me to one week ago, I CAME ACROSS CONDOMS (WE DONT USE CONDOMS EVER) I WAS INFORMED BY OUR REALTOR SHANNA WAS DOING DANCING WITH THE STARS (why wouldn't she tell me, right?)
One can see why perhaps he decided to take down that particular post, but, of course, the proverbial rubber was out of the wrapper, and we all know now that Shanna Moakler is a lazy, good for nothing, crappy whore of a mother. Or at least that's what Travis Barker thinks.
Article comments
1 - lori
Dawn, another hilarious take on celebrity life. Nice job, as always.
2 - Dawn
Thanks Lori, I appreciate that. I can't take too much credit, as the celebrities themselves do most of the work ;)
3 - gonzo marx
geeez Dawn....
and folks call ME subversive
heh...nicely skewered
/golfclap
Excelsior?
4 - Eric Olsen
but you have THE EYE - thanks!
5 - Matthew T. Sussman
Um, who are those first two?
6 - Dawn
Oh, those first two are Dawn and Eric Olsen. I am the one with the tattoos.
7 - Victor Plenty
Your tattoo artist missed a spot.
8 - Matthew T. Sussman
Does she get half the tats?
9 - Daniel
I have to say, Dawn, I absolutely hate your articles, largely because I think they are cruel and superficial. Take for example, the following phrase:
"...and we all know now that Shanna Moakler is a lazy, good for nothing, crappy whore of a mother. Or at least that's what Travis Barker thinks."
Very bitter. That said however, "hate can be a very exciting emotion" - as Glenn Ford in the 1946 classic Gilda famously quipped. And many people love the stuff you write too -- really, really, love it.
I think you should try out for column of a national paper - you would certainly fly in the UK, where this type of writing is really appreciated.
10 - Las Vegas Coke Whore
"I absolutely hate your articles,"
Daniel, who has forced you to read them? The Internet is a big place. Are you so dense that return to something you hate of your free will?
Apparently the answer is yes because you don't even understand the example you used. Dawn isn't saying those cruel things. She's reporting that's what Travis think from his MySpace Post.
In the vaults of MTV, there must be sheled project that captured the marriage of Chris Robinson and Kate Hudson. When I heard she left Chris for Owen Wilson, I needed a remedy because I threw up in mouth a little.
11 - Daniel
LVCW,
I don't think you understood my point. Let me clarify, for the sake of any misinterpretation (and I acknowledge the fact that I may not have come across clearly enough).
First of all, I understand that "Travis from his MySpace post" as you put it is what Dawn is paraphrasing, but she is also 'reading into' the post and putting her own nasty interpretational spin on it - like it or not, this is what is being done.
BUT, as I pointed out, this type of writing is popular, and appealing, as you obviously found it to be. So I'm suggesting she take it a stage further. I'm the first to say that because I do not like something it can still be successful -- more specifically, if someone really hates a certain style of writing, it's probably BOUND to be successful, merely because of the emotion it inspires.
12 - Dawn
Well, I am being what they call in the biz "snarky." Personally, I sit around the house all day sleeping, letting Consuela take care of the little crumbsnatchers, take off about mid-day for my pedicure appointment and secure my 8-ball for the evening and party like it's 1999.
Being a crappy good for nothing whore of a mother is on my everyday to-do list.
Shanna and I are cool like that. We tight. Thanks for the sort-of compliment Daniel. As for LVCW, didn't we meet up at the bj tables recently?
13 - Dawn
Dawn isn't cruel but she isn't afraid to call a whore a whore. I think her celeb stories are so popular because she combines bluntness with an underlying compassion, and shit
14 - Eric Olsen
I wrote that last comment, btw - I hate using this computer
15 - gonzo marx
damn Eric...
oh you mean Dawn's computer...
here i had thought you were "Las Vegas Coke Whore"
ah well
Excelsior?
16 - Matthew T. Sussman
My stories too are a mixture of bluntness and shit.
17 - Victor Plenty
Sheesh! Some people. Look, Danny, Dawn wasn't "putting her own nasty interpretational spin" on anything. She was uncovering the subtext that dude clearly intended his readers to pick up from what he wrote, even though he didn't have the guts to come out and say what he really meant in plain words.
Covering celebrity news is a dirty job, and there's just no way around that today. The nastiness is right there already, built into the subject matter.
Dawn brings a light touch of sardonic humor to a whole news category that would otherwise be excruciatingly dull and relentlessly dehumanizing. Her humor is the exact opposite of cruel. It would be far more cruel (especially to the reader) if she treated all these insignificant incidents as "straight news" stories comparable to the latest election results or the newest UN resolution trying to deal with events in the Middle East.
If any celebrities read about themselves in Dawn's articles, I hope it helps them get some perspective, and maybe realize they ought to do something more important with their lives than concoct increasingly desperate attempts to stretch out their fifteen minutes of fame.
18 - Snarkattack
What I learnt from MTV:
Note to self: next time I dispose of significant other, do it via bulletin or blog on MySpace.
Classy. These couples don't have to do these MTV shows, they choose to. Gee, you'd think they'd know it might produce complications later down the track.
19 - Las Vegas Coke Whore
Daniel,
I don't think you know how to comprehend what you are reading. Are you trying to say Dawn misinterpreted what Travis was saying? Please clarify what he meant and quote him extensively because I must have skipped over the part where he nominated his wife for mother of the year. Incidentally, the fact that they are divorcing leads me to believe that Dawn might have gotten it correct. I absolutely hate your comments.
20 - Dawn
I absolutely hate how celebrities make the job of making fun of them so easy.
I just wish that sometimes they would act like us and stay home, eat pizza, watch a movie with their kids and hold hands.
Why do they have to coke and whore it up all the time? I mean, it's just so damn cliched.
Thank you Victor, EO and LVCW, it's difficult striking the right tone between presenting the facts and making it interesting.
I feel so...vindicated.
*breaks down into oscar worthy crying fit*
21 - Lady Dragonfyre
Dawn:
I absolutely hate how celebrities make the job of making fun of them so easy.
I just wish that sometimes they would act like us and stay home, eat pizza, watch a movie with their kids and hold hands.
Why do they have to coke and whore it up all the time? I mean, it's just so damn cliched.
Thank you Victor, EO and LVCW, it's difficult striking the right tone between presenting the facts and making it interesting.
I second Victor. I enjoy your sense of humor. :)
As far as celebrity cliches go, I'm particularly amused by their "marriages." Many of them seem to marry and divorce more frequently than I change my socks.
22 - DJRadiohead
Congratulations! Editor DJRadiohead has selected this as one of hisEditors' Picks for 8/16-8/22.