Moms who take their children and move away from their children’s fathers create life-long hardship for their children. Granted there are rare exceptions when a move may be warranted. But they far rarer than NOWers admit. Generally, move-away-moms move primarily for their own best interest and not their children’s. Children who lose their biological fathers for no reason other than maternal malice, greed or other child-negating interests are children who are put at a life long disadvantage in every area from self esteem to academic success. The simple fact is, physically present biological fathers will have a vastly more significant positive influence on their children than any non-related boyfriends or step fathers will. Children who are robbed of their biological fathers are children more often at risk.
Pennsylvania law, in August 2000, recognized this and now gives the children of our commonwealth at least a fighting chance to prevent a malicious mother from robbing them of their father’s presence with an unnecessary move away. The law was decided in the Gruber case where the court recognized for the first time that the monetary best interest of the mother is not identical to the best interest of the child. Now in Pennsylvania, in theory at least, a mother cannot simply pick up the children and move off to Kansas with her rich new boyfriend while harming her children in the process.
Despite this good news, there is an insidious backlash movement brewing. PCNC’s Ann Devlin aired a segment last night, 7/29/05 on the hardship women face when they cannot move away at will. We were even told children’s need for access to their father was merely archaic Pennsylvanian “provincialism.” This resurging move-away ideology has also been supported by judges like Kim Eaton of Allegheny County Pennsylvania, who recently ignored the Gruber test and decided a wealthy step father who’d only known the child for a short time was more important to the child than the child’s biological father who had been a daily presence in the child’s life for nearly ten years. Happily Eaton’s decision was overturned on appeal, and that child now lives with his biological father. But no doubt neither Judge Eaton nor others will desist in their attempts to choose maternal greed over good parenting. What makes this particularly frightening is that the move to embrace economics over inalienable rights seems to be a national trend in other areas as well; we merely need to remember Justice Souter’s Supreme Court decision that turned eminent domain into imminent domain in Connecticut.
Article comments
— go to most recent comments1 - ocinrime
i agree that move away moms create a hardship for the kids. that hardship is a lifelong feeling that something's missing, a not knowing of where they come from.
but i'd also have to say i think fathers need to step up their game a bit. they need to become more fatherly. They need to take more responsibility and i don't mean financially. they need to evolve as parents.
I was a move away mom. i deemed my daughter's father as not a good role model. then i came to my senses. my daughter has to know him for who he is, whatever that may be, regardless of my judgement of him, unless of course he was emotionally or physically abusive, in which case no one could stop me from moving away.
but for every child there is a lesson to learn from both parents but children have to have the opportunity to know each of their parents and make their own decisions.
children are wiser than we think and can see through the games and the ruse. they know when they're being manipulated. they can come to their own conclusions and they should be given that opportunity.
with that i would also say that a mom who moves away for her interests is generally protecting the interests of the child. Otherwise why would she move? if she's moving to get a better job, well, she's looking to better support her child. if she moves away to be closer to her own family, she's moving for support because raising children is not easy.
i doubt that many women move think to themselves -- this move is really going to benefit me and it might benefit my child. I'm sure they're thinking, will this benefit my child?
I argue that if men became more parental, perhaps there would be fewer moms moving away.
2 - Lisa
You make some excellent points in this article and I have a question for you. Under this Pennsylvania law, are non custodial fathers allowed to move away at will?
3 - Steve S
far far and away, it is the father who abandons the mother and child. That would be a far bigger issue than move-away moms.
4 - Barbara
Yeah. Moms who move away is a pretty tiny segment of the divorced population--far, far smaller than the dad who leaves town. But sure, either way it's tough. Think about how powerful the evidence is now that even shared custody--where kids are shuffled back and forth between houses--is bad for kids, too. Let's face it--divorce is hard on kids, even when it's the best thing in the long run.
We become who we will be by the way we meet the challenges and obstacles we face throughout our lives. We'll never be able to legislate away the effects of who are parents are--whether we grow up with them or not.
5 - JELIEL
And personnaly I would have prefered if my mother had moved away with us, istead of doing the "Staying for the children" bit. This whole post seems to address the good fathers. Well there aren't only all-good ones out there. A woman who decides to move away will also not do it to be with a sugar-step-daddy all the time. They need to get away from destructive elements.
6 - Kevin
I agree with the main topic that the custodial parent moving away is not in the child's best interest, most of the time. All of the evidence and even common sense tells us that children do best (next to an intact marriage) with continuing and frequent contact with both parents (joint/shared custody).
Therefore, that is where we should start after a separation or a divorce, joint or shared physical custody. (none of this useless shared legal custody bunk).
With joint/shared custody, both parents are treated as parents and not one visitor and one primary parent. Then, if one parent decides to move, the reason had better be pretty darn good. And if he or she decides to move, then the children stay with the other parent.
True, both parents may have to forego their 'dreams' until the children are out of high school, but then again, they knew that when they decided to sleep with that person and create these children.
7 - Jeremy
If a PARENT is fit by no means should the other PARENT be allowed EVER to move away with CHILDREN. Children NEED & WANT both Parents. The law should stop allowing KIDNAPPING! You can sugar coat it or try and word it anyway you want. But taking a PARENTS children away without there consent is KIDNAPPING no matter what any BIASED, DISCRIMINATING JUDGE thinks.
Jeremy in Pittsburgh
8 - Loving Grandmother
I agree with Jeremy and Carmaine.
Rising children is very challenging, whether your mom or dad. Having both influences in a child's life, can only be 'the best interest of the child.'
Legislation should be put into place, preventng move aways. It destroys children and the family unit.
Any parent who loves their child, knows this is not the RIGHT move.
You need to love your children enough to co-parent.
Anyone wanting to agrue this, I have plenty of statistics to back me up.
9 - parker
If a mother needs to move to another state, what's to keep the father from moving there too? After all, if that would be best for the children, that's what a proper father should do.
I'm really tired of everyone trying to blame everything on the mother. I clothe, feed, and love my child. I supply all the money and attention for my child, the father does nothing. He's only bothered to see my child once. Never paid a dime in child support. So why is it wrong for me to move near family and/or a better paying job?
So much of this is about controlling the mother and children as property. If the dad really cared, he'd move, too.
10 - Steve S
parker hit the nail on the head. Some families need to be busted up. My parents divorced when I was 17, and I had two younger sisters (and one older) who had to deal with the divorce too.
For ten years, my mom should have gotten out, but she stayed in the relationship 'for the kids'. That is the worst thing you can do. Like we don't know the misery all around us. It would have been far better for them AND for us for them to have split up when the love died.
Also, my dad did not pay a dime towards us upon the divorce (which was due to years of his infidelity). My mom, who was a housewife/mother for 23 years, suddenly found herself with four kids and no source of income and no job history.
And people want legislation passed where we would be forced to interact with a parent who we do not want in our lives?
Thanks but no thanks.
11 - Loving Grandmother
You both sound very bitter.
But statistics show the importance a father plays in a child's development.
There are millions of fit fathers wanting to be a part of their child's lives. Why should they be punished for 10% of Fathers who do nothing. Is that fair?
How many mothers delibertly conceal children? Is that fair? How would you like your children concealed from you? Would that be fair?
Is it fair to move children all over the country, trying to avoid participation from the Father? Who is more important, a family unit or a loving parent?
Do you have any idea on how many fathers do move to be close to their children? How many have to move again, because the CP moves again?
Sounds like control is coming from someplace else.
I should also remind you, the numbers of NC moms who face this same issue. Do you feel they should have frequent contact with their children?
12 - Steve S
my concern is that we all have to live under restrictive legislation for the actions of a few. Can you provide statistics from a legitimate NON-BIASED source that proves that those horribly evil divorced women is a rampant issue, and that deadbeat dads are such a rarity because the man is so noble?
My concern goes beyond just move-away moms. There is a movement, a Christian movement afoot, destined to remove rights from women. They are assaulting (politically) the Supreme Court via nominations in an attempt to get Roe v. Wade overturned. They put out gender specific bibles telling women to obey their husband. And now they are demonizing mothers. It's just all sickening and disgusting.
Due to societies tendency to get divorced at the drop of a hat, I now know dozens of divorced couples. A few cases, it's amicable and a joint decision, in ALL other cases, the woman might get the children but she also gets the short end of the stick. I know of no case where the woman is the evil predator that this movement makes her out to be.
But you know what? It's a woman's place to defend herself, she can count on my support but more of them should be speaking up here on their own behalf, if they choose not to, I'm not going to go out of my way to defend someone who doesn't want to defend themselves.
13 - Don, the 14%er
---Shopping for One, Again---
The mother of my sweetheart
wants to break our bond apart.
She took the object of my affection
away and caused such alienation.
Now when I go to the grocery store,
I daydream, and stare at the floor.
My ex-wife moved and took our son.
And so, again, I'm shopping for one.
There's rice crispies, and I need cereal.
But it'll be summer before I get to see him.
I'll just wait, that stuff'll be stale
by the time he gets here; oh well.
Guess I'll buy the jalapeno or sharp cheddar;
he won't be here or know any better.
I reach for our usual syrup, then my eye passes
to the top shelf, and I get the molasses.
He don't like that sugar cane stuff, but
I ate it all the time while I was growing up.
Here's five peaches - but I've forgotten,
if I get all five, they'll just get rotten.
I start for the cool aid, then stop myself.
He's not here. I leave it on the shelf.
There's the toys - something he might like?
No. I'll save my money, maybe buy a flight
to go see him a couple times a year,
not like I used to when he lived near.
His mom moved away but I don't miss her a bit.
My heart is hamburger. I miss my kid.
--- Don Mathis
14 - T. A. Dodger
"But statistics show the importance a father plays in a child's development.
There are millions of fit fathers wanting to be a part of their child's lives. Why should they be punished for 10% of Fathers who do nothing. Is that fair?"
Of course the actions of the 10% of bad fathers should not be held against the %90 who want to play an active and positive role in the lives of their children. The problem I have with your reasoning is that is seems to support forcing the children of the bad %10 to have continued contact with a bad father just because most fathers are good. You just can't assume that parents going through divorce are the "average couple" and then make laws limiting divorce or forcing joint custody just because children do better with both parents. If people end up in the middle of an acrimonious custody case, there's a pretty good chance they don't represent that average couple that would raise such well adjusted kids together.
Yes it is better ON AVERAGE for children to be with both parents. That does not mean a child is better off staying in contact with an unfit or abusive parent.
Yes, children ON AVERAGE do better when their parents stay together instead os splitting up / divorcing. Don't you think that might have something to do with the fact that the couples who stay together have, on average, happier relationships in the first place? I love both my parents, but they don't love each other and that's ok with me. I'd rather be raised by two parents i see seperately than by one constantly bickering, miserable couple.
Yes children, ON AVERAGE, do better seeing both parents on regular basis, but that's because the average parent is not abusive, neglectful, or unfit. This fact should not be used to create a family law standard where children are forced to stay in contact with a parent who is unfit.
If I could show you evidence that, on average, divorced women are better caregivers for their children than divorced men (and I am IN NO WAY claiming that that's the case, just constructing a hypothetical), would you say that the family courts should always favor the ex-wife over the ex-husband? Of course not, because it is wrong to take information about how certain custody situations affect children ON AVERAGE and use that information to craft laws limiting the discretion courts need to make case-by-case decisions about what is right for each individual family.
15 - Loving Grandmother
For T A DODGEr
That is all well and good, let the 10% who don't care, move on. But the 90% who do, should have every right to parent a child along with the mother. I beleive they call it EQUALITY.
16 - Loving Grandmother
to Steve S.
I can not take the credit for this, but I think you will find the resources unquestionable. Pretty well, sums it up.
Divorce and Fatherhood Statistics
61% of all child abuse is committed by biological mothers
25% of all child abuse is committed by natural fathers
Statistical Source: Current DHHS report on nationwide Child Abuse
79.6% of custodial mothers receive a support award
29.9% of custodial fathers receive a support award
46.9% of non-custodial mothers totally default on support
26.9% of non-custodial fathers totally default on support
20.0% of non-custodial mothers pay support at some level
61.0% of non-custodial fathers pay support at some level
66.2% of single custodial mothers work less than full-time
10.2% of single custodial fathers work less than full-time
7.0% of single custodial mothers work more than 44 hours weekly
24.5% of single custodial fathers work more than 44 hours weekly
46.2% of single custodial mothers receive public assistance
20.8% of single custodial fathers receive public assistance
Statistical Source: Technical Analysis Paper No. 42 - U.S. Dept. of Health & Human Services - Office of Income Security Policy
90.2% of fathers with joint custody pay all the support due
79.1% of fathers with visitation privileges pay all the support due
44.5% of fathers with no visitation pay all the support due
37.9% of fathers are denied any visitation
66.0% of all support not paid by non-custodial fathers is due to inability to pay
Statistical Source: 1988 Census "Child Support and Alimony: 1989 Series P-60, No. 173 p. 6-7. and U.S. General Accounting Office Report" GAO/HRD-92-39FS January, 1992
50% of mothers see no value in the father's continued contact with his children.
--See "Surviving the Breakup" by Joan Berlin Kelly
40% of mothers reported that they had interfered with the father's visitation to punish their ex-spouse.
--See "Frequency of Visitation...." by Stanford Braver, American Journal of Orthopsychiatry
63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes
--U.S. D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census
85% of all children that exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes
--Center for Disease Control
80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger come from fatherless homes
--Criminal Justice and Behavior, Vol. 14, p. 403-26
71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes
--National Principals Association Report on the State of High Schools
70% of juveniles in state operated institutions come from fatherless homes
--U.S. Dept. of Justice, Special Report Sept., 1988
85% of all youths sitting in prisons grew up in a fatherless home
--Fulton County Georgia jail populations & Texas Dept. of Corrections, 1992
Translated, this means that children from a fatherless home are:
5 times more likely to commit suicide
32 times more likely to run away
20 times more likely to have behavioral disorders
14 times more likely to commit rape
9 times more likely to drop out of school
10 times more likely to abuse chemical substances
9 times more likely to end up in a state operated institution
20 times more likely to end up in prison
There are: 11,268,000 total U.S. custodial mothers and 2,907,000 total U.S. custodial fathers
--Current Population Reports, U.S. Bureau of the Census, Series P-20, No. 458, 1991
In a study of 700 adolescents, researchers found that "compared to families with two natural parents living in the home, adolescents from single-parent families have been found to engage in greater and earlier sexual activity."
Source: Carol W. Metzler, et al. "The Social Context for Risky Sexual Behavior Among Adolescents", Journal of Behavioral Medicine 17 (1994).
"Fatherless children are at a dramatically greater risk of drug and alcohol abuse, mental illness, suicide, poor educational performance, teen pregnancy, and criminality."
Source: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, National Center for Health Statistics, Survey on Child Health, Washington, DC, 1993.
"Teenagers living in single-parent households are more likely to abuse alcohol and at an earlier age compared to children reared in two-parent households."
Source: Terry E. Duncan, Susan C. Duncan and Hyman Hops, "The Effects of Family Cohesiveness and Peer Encouragement on the Development of Adolescent Alcohol Use: A Cohort-Sequential Approach to the Analysis of Longitudinal Data", Journal of Studies on Alcohol 55 (1994).
"...the absence of the father in the home affects significantly the behavior of adolescents and results in the greater use of alcohol and marijuana."
Source: Deane Scott Berman "Risk Factors Leading to Adolescent Substance Abuse", Adolescence 30 (1995)
A study of 156 victims of child sexual abuse found that the majority of the children came from disrupted or single-parent homes; only 31 percent of the children lived with both biological parents. Although stepfamilies make up only about 10 percent of all families, 27 percent of the abused children lived with either a stepfather or the mother's boyfriend.
Source: Beverly Gomes-Schwartz, Jonathan Horowitz, and Albert P. Cardarelli, "Child Sexual Abuse Victims and Their Treatment", U.S. Department of Justice, Office of Juvenile Justce and Delinquency Prevention.
Researchers in Michigan determined that "49 percent of all child abuse cases are committed by single mothers."
Source: Joan Ditson and Sharon Shay, "A Study of Child Abuse in Lansing, Michigan", Child Abuse and Neglect, 8 (1984).
"A family structure index -- a composite index based on the annual rate of children involved in divorce and the percentage of families with children present that are female-headed -- is a strong predictor of suicide among young adult and adolescent white males."
Source: Patricia L. McCall and Kenneth C. Land, "Trends in White Male Adolescent, Young-Adult and Elderly Suicide: Are There Common Underlying Structural Factors?" Social Science Research 23, 1994.
" Fatherless children are at dramatically greater risk of suicide."
Source: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, National Center for Health Statistics, Survey on Child Health, Washington, DC, 1993.
In a study of 146 adolescent friends of 26 adolescent suicide victims, teens living in single-parent families are not only more likely to commit suicide but also more likely to suffer from psychological disorders, when compared to teens living in intact families.
Source: David A. Brent, et al. "Post-traumatic Stress Disorder in Peers of Adolescent Suicide Victims: Predisposing Factors and Phenomenology.", Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry 34, 1995.
"Boys who grow up in father-absent homes are more likely that those in father-present homes to have trouble establishing appropriate sex roles and gender identity."
Source: P.L. Adams, J.R. Milner, and N.A. Schrepf, "Fatherless Children", New York, Wiley Press, 1984.
"In 1988, a study of preschool children admitted to New Orleans hospitals as psychiatric patients over a 34-month period found that nearly 80 percent came from fatherless homes."
Source: Jack Block, et al. "Parental Functioning and the Home Environment in Families of Divorce", Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, 27 (1988)
"Children living with a never-married mother are more likely to have been treated for emotional problems."
Source: L. Remez, "Children Who Don't Live with Both Parents Face Behavioral Problems," Family Planning Perspectives (January/February 1992).
Children reared by a divorced or never-married mother are less cooperative and score lower on tests of intelligence than children reared in intact families. Statistical analysis of the behavior and intelligence of these children revealed "significant detrimental effects " of living in a female-headed household. Growing up in a female-headed household remained a statistical predictor of behavior problems even after adjusting for differences in family income.
Source: Greg L. Duncan, Jeanne Brooks-Gunn and Pamela Kato Klebanov, "Economic Deprivation and Early Childhood Development", Child Development 65 (1994).
"Compared to peers in two-parent homes, black children in single-parent households are more likely to engage in troublesome behavior, and perform poorly in school."
Source: Tom Luster and Hariette Pipes McAdoo, "Factors Related to the Achievement and Adjustment of Young African-American Children.", Child Development 65 (1994): 1080-1094
"Even controlling for variations across groups in parent education, race and other child and family factors, 18- to 22-year-olds from disrupted families were twice as likely to have poor relationships with their mothers and fathers, to show high levels of emotional distress or problem behavior, [and] to have received psychological help."
Source: Nicholas Zill, Donna Morrison, and Mary Jo Coiro, "Long Term Effects of Parental Divorce on Parent-Child Relationships, Adjustment and Achievement in Young Adulthood", Journal of Family Psychology 7 (1993).
"Children with fathers at home tend to do better in school, are less prone to depression and are more successful in relationships. Children from one-parent families achieve less and get into trouble more than children from two parent families."
Source: One Parent Families and Their Children: The School's Most Significant Minority, conducted by The Consortium for the Study of School Needs of Children from One Parent Families, co sponsored by the National Association of Elementary School Principals and the Institute for Development of Educational Activities, a division of the Charles F. Kettering Foundation, Arlington, VA., 1980
"Children whose parents separate are significantly more likely to engage in early sexual activity, abuse drugs, and experience conduct and mood disorders. This effect is especially strong for children whose parents separated when they were five years old or younger."
Source: David M. Fergusson, John Horwood and Michael T. Lynsky, "Parental Separation, Adolescent Psychopathology, and Problem Behaviors", Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry 33 (1944)
"Compared to peers living with both biological parents, sons and daughters of divorced or separated parents exhibited significantly more conduct problems. Daughters of divorced or separated mothers evidenced significantly higher rates of internalizing problems, such as anxiety or depression."
Source: Denise B. Kandel, Emily Rosenbaum and Kevin Chen, "Impact of Maternal Drug Use and Life Experiences on Preadolescent Children Born to Teenage Mothers", Journal of Marriage and the Family56 (1994).
"Father hunger " often afflicts boys age one and two whose fathers are suddenly and permanently absent. Sleep disturbances, such as trouble falling asleep, nightmares, and night terrors frequently begin within one to three months after the father leaves home.
Source: Alfred A. Messer, "Boys Father Hunger: The Missing Father Syndrome", Medical Aspects of Human Sexuality, January 1989.
"Children of never-married mothers are more than twice as likely to have been treated for an emotional or behavioral problem."
Source: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, National Center for Health Statistics, National Health Interiew Survey, Hyattsille, MD, 1988
A 1988 Department of Health and Human Services study found that at every income level except the very highest (over $50,000 a year), children living with never-married mothers were more likely than their counterparts in two-parent families to have been expelled or suspended from school, to display emotional problems, and to engage in antisocial behavior.
Source: James Q. Wilson, "In Loco Parentis: Helping Children When Families Fail Them", The Brookings Review, Fall 1993.
In a longitudinal study of 1,197 fourth-grade students, researchers observed "greater levels of aggression in boys from mother-only households than from boys in mother-father households."
Source: N. Vaden-Kierman, N. Ialongo, J. Pearson, and S. Kellam, "Household Family Structure and Children's Aggressive Behavior: A Longitudinal Study of Urban Elementary School Children", Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology 23, no. 5 (1995).
"Children from mother-only families have less of an ability to delay gratification and poorer impulse control (that is, control over anger and sexual gratification.) These children also have a weaker sense of conscience or sense of right and wrong."
Source: E.M. Hetherington and B. Martin, "Family Interaction " in H.C. Quay and J.S. Werry (eds.), Psychopathological Disorders of Childhood. (New York: John Wiley & Sons, 1979)
"Eighty percent of adolescents in psychiatric hospitals come from broken homes."
Source: J.B. Elshtain, "Family Matters... ", Christian Century, Jully 1993.
17 - TA Dodger
To Loving Grandmother
I don't believe that I ever suggested men and women were not equal or equally able to rear children. If that is the message that came across in my post, it was completely unintentional.The thing I find very encouraging about "fathers' rights" groups is the fact that their members show such a passionate desire to be a part of their childrens' lives, and I think that sort of dedication should be something all parents aspire to. Fathers are important in their childrens' lives, and I'm glad to see that getting attention.
That said, there are some things that concern me about the literature put out by these groups (bear in mind, this is only based on my looking at websites of some fathers' rights groups over the past few days, so i'm getting the wrong read please feel free to point me to more representative sources).
At the same time that they make the point that fathers are important they attack and demonize women.
As someone who is just starting to read about the fathers' rights movement, and IS open to being pursuaded (I'm sure, for instance, that old fashioned assumptions about gender roles are leading some judges to award mothers primary custody when it isn't necessarily warrented), I find this negative focus on mothers extremely off-putting. Even you dedicate the first section of your answer to Steve to stats seeming to show that men are better parents than women. Is that really the issue? Is your argument that both parents are important, or do you think children need mothers too? I understand that fathers' rights groups feel they are combatting a pervasive view that kids do fine without fathers, but I would hope it's possible to do that without denigrating women.
Also, there's not acknowledgement that a lot of father absence (especially among the children of never-married single mothers) is due to father abandonment. Obviously this shouldn't detract in any way from the rights of fathers who do want to be involved with their kids, but I think placing all the blame (or seeming to place all the blame) for fatherlessness on women is ridiculous, and makes the fathers' rights groups' arguments less persuasive to people on the fence.
18 - ta dodger
Also, in response to my post, you said that the 10% who don't care about their kids can move on and rest should have equal rights, but what about those mothers OR fathers) who are abusive or unfit but still want joint (or full) custody? Do you think they should get it? My point still stands that though joint custody might be the best choice for most, that doesn't mean it is best for all.
19 - Steve S
I do not want any decent caring parent of either gender to be deprived of the right to raise his/her child or to be influential in some way. When it comes to the statistics, I have to fall back on my life experiences.
People can show me reports that say the economy is booming at the same time that I see people around me suffering job loss or pay cuts or hours slashed, etc.
I have to go with what I see around me, rather than what some stranger tells me.
The same applies here. I do not think all fathers are the 'bad guys' here, but I do not think that mothers are the demons that loving granny portrays them as, either.
20 - Loving Grandmother
I don't think either of you read my posts correctly. I said FIT parents.
Why should fathers not share in all aspects of a child's nurturing?
The whole idea of this article was on move aways. Many CP's deliberately move the child from the other parent.
Please explain how you feel that is okay?
I simply gave you the facts and statistics to show how children are harmed when fathers are not present in a child's life.
"At the same time that they make the point that fathers are important they attack and demonize women."
Children do not divorce their parents, so why should they suffer a break up? I am NOT demonizing women. I beleive in co-parenting when both parents are FIT.
And move aways is a very common practice of keeping the OTHER parent away. Making it an important issue.
And this is not just about fathers, there are many non custodial moms who also have to endure their children moving away.
You need to love the child enough, TO CO-PARENT.
21 - Nancy
Why do women insist on hanging on to the kids, when financially, the male is far more likely to be able to better afford to raise them? Besides, it's a fitting revenge: let HIM take care of the shopping, feeding, disciplining, running them to school, sports, clubs, supervising homework, and general worry & aggravation that goes w/childrearing. Either that or his parents. I saw Roseanne Barr's "She Devil" & laughed myself silly; now THAT was the right idea! He or his parents want custody? Let 'em have it - and then some.
22 - Loving Grandmother
Nancy,
Both my children have nurtured, cared for their children since birth. The only thing they were incapable of was breastfeeding. They cook, clean, take child to doctor appointments, do laundry, the works. And they LOVE it!
Basing your reply on a fictional movie only reveals your intelligence level.
Many mothers do abandon their children. It is nothing to laugh about. Just as fathers also abandon. It is a two way street.
The article is about move aways and HOW children are affected by not having an active fit father in their lives.
23 - Nancy
The point was - and I note you carefully avoided it - women are far more likely to end up bringing up their kids in poverty than men are. It makes far more sense for them to stay with their fathers, who can support them far more easily, than with their mothers who end up living hand to mouth (because reality is, women's jobs pay far less than mens') trying to scrape by on a low-salaried 'womens' job + public assistance of whatever kind. Should the grandparents try to stick their oars in, then they can pay for the privilege. In any event, this is a NON-issue, and hardly a statistically overwhelming situation.
24 - Loving Grandmother
I am not avoiding anything. Stating facts of the harm move aways do to children. Lets stick with the issue of the article, not self serving bull.
You read too much into things. If your read my posts, I beleive when parents are BOTH FOUND FIT, they need to love the child enough to CO PARENT. Move aways destroy families. That simple.
Some people just don't get it.
And what about the fathers who are deadbroke because of child support and legal expenses. They barely have enough to keep a roof over their head or food on the table. And yet, their children are being moved away, another expense to be paid by dad, just to remain in their childrens lives.
25 - Sandy
In regards to the article, I feel if a mother wants to move, she needs to take into consideration her children and their father and realize the day she decided to become a mother she could no longer put her wants and needs first, but those of her child, and the father has to do the same. To Steve if you think that the mother gets the short end of the stick by getting the children then she is not getting them for the right reasons, yes children can be a lot of work and yes the job can be very stressful, but the rewards that come in so many different ways far supercede all the hard work and stess I endured, and I left an open door policy with my ex so he too could share those same rewards. I did it for my children because the deserved both of their parents involvement. When I read that why should a mother be restricted from moving, you have to think how the father is being restricted as well if she does move. His hands are tied, and he loses his children. I think there needs to be laws put into place that protect all parties involved, most importantly the childrens. I am a divorced mother and I was angry at my ex but I would never hurt my children by taking them away from their dad whether I thought he was a good parent or not. As far as children being forced to visit with an abusive father I think that the laws that are in place for abusive parents are enough to protect the children. There is almost zero tolerance for abuse in our legal system today. As far as saying that a single mom might want to move for financial support, speaking from experience any mother that wants support knows she can get it from the ex, again the laws are in place to put dads behind bars that don't pay. Most dads who don't pay child support for no reason are the same dads that don't really want anything to do with their children sadly enough. So that leaves us with dealing with fit parents that want to be part of their childrens lives and if a mother chooses to move then I think it is up to her to either leave her children behind with their father or make sure that he still has the same amount of contact with his children at her expense. When I dated after my divorce I had rules and of course that person that I dated knew that my children were an inmportant part of my life and that because of them there were just certain things I could not do, one of them being moving away and taking my children away from their father, that is the price I paid when I decided to bring my children into this world and it is the responsibility I accepted the minute I held my son and daughter. If any of you don't get this then read Don the 14% post and see just what a father has to go through when his children move away and I would hope that your heart goes out to him and his child.
Sandy